Healing of the body, rotting of the brain

We are getting close to being a functional monkey again!!  The wound vac will come off next week, to be replaced with an intricate pattern of bandages and tape.  But, even looking like a first aid class gone wrong, being without the wound vac offers more mobility.

This week, I was finally able to rejoin the SMLF table.  And, it was celebratory cherry mt dews for everyone.

But, now I need to wean myself off the media I've been consuming during my confinement.  I have become TLC's viewing monkey. . . which is not a good thing at all.

In the beginning, I was streaming shows from PBS.  And, of course shows from my favorite foodies.  But, then, there were those dark nights where I watched Say Yes To The Dress back to back.  Then, the prime availability for both the foodie shows and the wedding dress show disappeared and I had to find something else to watch.  I watched some crime shows, but I also fell into the TLC abyss.  Two "reality" shows involving over indulged southern men . . . some dude name Christley (I think) and a bunch of whiners in Charleston, SC.  Frankly, now that I write this, I don't even know if they are TLC shows . . . they just seem to be the TLC sort.

I also have given into reading comments on the interwebs.  Fortunately, Jezebel has the best comments ever.  The folks who read/comment seem thoughtful and willing to say they made a mistake and discuss . . . but they are also terribly funny.  This holds for news stories, opinions, and gossip stories.  I am hoping reading the clever comments on their site is balancing the harm done by my television habits.

But did you hear that one of the Dugger daughters is engaged?

Anatomy of a spam fail

The other day, in my personal email, I received notice of a direct message from the twitterverse.  It told me that "Dr. Oz is my savior" and had a link attached.

And, I knew it was a hack job and spam.  Let's examine why it was obviously a hack job/spam.

First, I can't not remember the last time I logged into my twitter account.  I view twitter and linkedin as fairly worthless.  I know, everyone loves them. . . I just can't see the point.  I have a linkedin because I've actually found that I could contact "long losts" through it when they didn't have facebook.  I started a twitter because I was curious.  But, again, can't even remember the last time I logged on to twitter.  So, the idea that someone would feel that a direct message to me through twitter was the easiest way to convey their personal and heartfelt faith was laughable.

Second, the supposed direct message was from someone I know IRL.  And, not only do I know them, actually, but we communicate via other social media on the regular.

Third, this particular friend and I share a love of good food and strong drink. I'm pretty sure this particular friend would not be a minion of Dr. Oz.

And, lastly, my friend has rejected the religious traditions of his upbringing . . . I'm pretty sure some attention-hound, media quack isn't going to replace the most organized crime syndicate of all time.

But, now I have something more to taunt my friend with on a regular.  Thank you hacker/spammers for that.

Haunting

This showed up in my news feed this morning.  I've looked at it a few times, and shared it with several other folks.

On one hand, I find the subject matter horrifying.  I admit, I'm pretty darn smug about the fact that I live in a community that ran the klan out years ago.  (I complain and sniff at the culinary offerings . . . but being klan free is pretty impressive.)

But, when I think about the defensiveness the subjects must feel coupled with the candidness of the photos, I'm curious.  The photographer must be a truly interesting person, to gain (and keep) the trust of his subjects.
Also, I see real poverty in the pictures.  I can't help but wonder if the photographer intentionally selected impoverished members . . . to garner sympathy from the viewer?  To add a layer of pity?  To establish a greater void between the viewer and the subjects?

I remember, years ago, a friend/counselor telling me that people act when they believe there is a benefit to the action.  And, it makes sense . . . even with mean or irrational or immoral behavior, the actor must believe that there is a personal benefit or that their actions are the wiser/more beneficial of their choices.  Which makes me wonder what benefit members of the klan believe they are gaining from being a member of a hate group?  Is it group identity?  Is it feeling connected to something rather than nothing?  Does it stave off loneliness?  Or, is there solidarity in creating a sense of superiority?

But, then again, why do any of us do the crazy, inexplicable, or irrational things we do?

The one regret

I spend way too much time frigging around on the interwebz.  I admit that.  But, I like to think (I'm smug, to be honest) I manage to keep technology to the limits that work for my life.  You won't ever see me ignoring my dinner companion because I'm texting.  I can actually hold a face to face conversation with humans. 

A few years ago, I ditched my smart phone and went back to a flip phone.  The cost of the data plan didn't match up to the 90% of silly, non-essential text messages.

But, this week, I regretted not having a smart phone for the first time since giving it up. 

I had to travel to a big town, several hours drive away for a meeting.  I printed out turn by turn directions.  And the directions google gave me were totally crap.  I was directed to a dead end at an industrial site.  Then, I called the office where the meeting was to be held . . . only to be given totally crap directions by their receptionist.  (Jimmy says he was just ordained last month . . . I don't see him being able to guide souls to heaven if he can't even direct people to his office building.) 

Finally, I found a mail carrier and was able to get decent directions.  I knew there was a reason I've always loved mail carriers.

But, having a gps on a smart phone would have been helpful too.

Bit 'o fluff

When I was a young monkey, waterproof radios became available.  Specifically, radios marketed for the shower.  Now, you could hear the news or sing along to your favorite rock while scrubbing down. 

Oh, I so wanted a shower radio.  The Old Folks had objections to me carrying a radio/tape deck into the bathroom and blasting it loud enough to be heard over the shower.  I. DON'T. KNOW. WHY.

The idea of a shower radio caused them to visibly twitch.  So, it was just a dream.  An unfulfilled dream. . . UNTIL NOW!

I had a gift card from a big box store I don't normally shop.  I think I've been in one of their retail facilities once and it was overwhelming with the huge variety and amount of stuff.  The card was soon going to hit that icky point where the gift amount was going to decrease each month I didn't use it.

I bought a whoopie pie pan.  (Look out Valentine's Day . . . bad puns be a coming) And some mis en place bowls.  And a shower radio.

The sound is crap . . . very tinny.  But, I will admit, there was some shower time boogie yesterday morning.  (Humans still sleeping today, so no monkey screeching today.) 

Now, I will totally justify that grande coffee drink on the thought that I got 3 extra minutes of exercise, thanks to my shower radio.

Stages

I've pretty much codified, in my mind, the steps to being unfriended by me.

First, there are sudden death unfriendings.  They include if I learn that you have lied to me, or involved me in your lies without my knowledge.  (If you're getting a kitten for your child and you want it to stay at my house until the gifting, I'll be happy to participate.  But, if you're cheating on your spouse, forget it.)  Also, if you post seriously offensive stuff.  I'm not really talking about differences of opinion.  I'm thinking more in line with the former friend who, upon learning that her pet boy had cheated on her, posted several posts that were increasingly violent towards the young man and his other love.  The post that go her "sudden death" was when she combined overt racism with a violent threat.  Buh-bye.

But, for the rest of folks, if you post stuff I find offensive or in poor taste, first, I will hide the post.  If you post something that I believe is hurtful to others, I might send you a private message expressing my concern.  Your response could put you in the running for being unfriended.  If you post enough things I feel the need to hide, I will remove you from my feed.  This seems to be the easiest way to not interfere with anyone's first amendment rights while also removing the temptation to snark.

If, after I have removed you from my feed, you go out of your way to be an ass, I'm done with you.

In the aftermath of the horrific shooting yesterday, one of my "friends" posted that "guns don't kill people, people kill people."  I hid it from my feed.  That's strike one.

Better

True story: several years ago, my SMLF pals decided we should open a craft store and call it "Faux Shizzle."  Because white peeps instantly think they are hip and cool if they adopt Snoop Dogg speak.

Today, I found gizoogle.  On the site, which is dedicated to helping folks translate Snoop Dogg speak, they have a site translator.  Yes! You can translate your favorite (or least favorite but oft visited due to various obligations) site into Snoop Dogg.

Of course, I tried this site.  And, was happy to see that my previous post "Dear Mr. Romney" was far superior in Snoop Dogg.  See. . . .

Every morning, I check mah "lyrics wit playas" game n' "facebook" while, um, attendin ta mornin needs. This morning, I saw a rap posted on FB dat elaborated on Mista Muthafuckin Romneyz recent commentz bout tha "gifts" Obizzay gave ta non-white n' lil' votas ta "buy" tha erection. Dude holla'd dat Obizzay gave up "free constipation" which was ghettofab wit lil' college aged dem hoes.

Then, I realized dat like Mista Muthafuckin Romney has never been up in tha posizzle ta know anythang bout contraceptives. Dude be a playa up in his 60s, n' mormon, hooked up lil' n' had only sons. Perhaps he never had ta learn tha mo' delicate details of, yo ass know, "down there."

First off, it aint "free" constipation . . . itz no co-pay constipation. That means tha "college aged women" whoz ass benefit from dis "gift" is either covered by school based and they muthafathas' insurizzle. So, game insurizzle g-unitz (you know, g-unitz yo ass probably have some investment in) benefit from no co-pay contraceptives. Even if they pay up mo' fo' tha prescription coverage, tha premiums is priced such dat tha g-unitz (and shareholdaz . . . yo ass know bout shareholdas, don't yo ass Mista Muthafuckin Romney?) cook up a profit.

But, yo ass know whoz ass else benefitz from no co-pay contraceptives? Young men. These days, lil' pimps is bombarded by a culture dat drops some lyrics ta em they need ta bust a nut on as nuff dem hoes as possible up in order ta be thought "manly." While they is hittin dat shizzle all up in becomin mature enough ta ignore these cultural lyrics, they surely aren't locked n loaded ta become muthafathas. But, not just lil' pimps benefit from no co-pay contraceptives . . . so do full grown adult men, hooked up n' not. And, lookin around tha shizzle these days, it would step tha fuck up dat gangstas whoz ass is screwin around outside they marriages, also benefit from no co-pay contraceptives.

Not just lil' pimps n' women, n' adult pimps share up in dis benefit. But, also hooked up couples. Hooked Up couplez whoz ass understand dat plannin they crews will help give em opportunitizzles ta give they lil pimps tha upbrangin they want fo' they children. Not havin ta pay dat $30 - $50 a month fo' pizzlez means mo' scrilla ta pay fo' yo' sonz trumpet and fill up tha mini-van fo' yo' daughterz bizzle crew tournaments. Additionizzlely, dem hoes whoz ass have just given birth benefit from no co-pay contraceptives cuz they understand dat spacin up they pregnancies is mo' betta fo' they game n' tha game of future babies.

So, Mista Muthafuckin Romney, fuckin shitloadz n' fuckin shitloadz of gangstas benefit from tha "gift" of no co-pay contraceptives. Which might explain why yo ass lost mo' than just tha lil' womens' vote.

Don't you love it too?  Of course, as far as Romney is concerned, this might as well be Korean.

Off on a tangent

The other night, Salon posted an article calling out Jezebel for crossing a journalistic line.  Jezebel posted an article about the racist, hateful tweets being posted post election results.  They noticed that many of the really horrible tweets were coming from school kids who clearly identified their schools on their public twitter feeds.  Jezebel looked up the schools, in several cases were able to read the student handbooks, and contacted schools to ask if they were aware of the tweets and how they were responding, given handbook rules admonishing against such hateful speech.  They then posted an article describing the various responses or lack of response they got from the schools.

Several kids tried to claim their accounts had been hacked.  Several twitter accounts were deleted, and some didn't seem to be altered a bit.

Jezebel claims that this was a teaching moment, and that they wanted to know if schools were taking that opportunity.  Salon cried foul.  They said that it wasn't "fair" for Jezebel to put these young peoples' futures in danger over youthful stupidity.

I disagree.  I am dismayed when I see, time after time, people misunderstand the first amendment to believe that all speech is covered and that you are violating rights by expecting people to stand by their words.  I agree that this was the perfect opportunity to teach kids that with the right of freedom of speech, comes responsibility.  If you are going to post in public forums hateful, violent, racist, or bullying statements, you have to be willing to take responsibility for the fall out.  And, I believe it is the responsibility of the electronic universe to call out people for posting hateful, violent, racist, sexist, and/or bullying statements.

But, I can't help but wonder why the GOP or the Romney campaign isn't stepping up?  Quite a few of the offensive posts included @ and # to the Romney campaign.  Without a doubt, the GOP and the Romney campaign are well aware of the words of people who wish to associate themselves with those organizations' platforms.  And, given the obvious problems the GOP has with female and/or non-white voters, you'd think they would earn some street cred to come out against such posts and telling people who cite them in such posts to cut it out and even look into legal action for threatening and/or illegal posts.  You'd think they'd want that, right?

Skunked again

I've said it before.  I love me an advice column.  Poor ESK is usually the victim of this love of mine.  I like to read the questions outloud, and then have a spirited discussion of what advice would we dispense?  Then, I read the columnist's response, and we follow with a spirited discussion about if we agree with the advice given.  And, yes, I say WE but usually she ignores me.  Or tries to ignore me . . . and the flurry of rubber bands I'm popping to her side of the office to get her attention.

Then, this week, I found this tumblr.  Not only does she play my game, but she does it better than I do.  Damnit.  And, I love her.  sigh.

Winning

Ya'll knew I have a huge competitive streak, right?  I mean, I totally get that I'm the top monkey OF THE PLANET, but I also really, really like winning against humans.  This is why Phenom and I don't play board games or tennis anymore.  When we played tennis, I would end up imagining his head as the ball and send it sailing over the fence.

But, I will tell you how to win facebook.  Probably, if applied appropriately, win the internet.

First, folks on facebook love sappy.  So, post something really sweet about your lover.  Post about how you met or your first date or how you knew they were "the one."  MAD LIKES!!!  Pretty much, you will be the homecoming queen of facebook.

Follow up the sappy with photos of your cat.  Or your neighbor's cat, if you're allergic.  If you can catch the cat doing something uber cute, like sleeping or head tilted slightly while it decides which part of your face it wants to eat first, even better.

Thats it.  All you need . . . sappy posts about the love of your life and cat pictures. 

Insert bad AA joke here

The tendency to denial is strong with me.  One of the reasons I like to avoid folks in white coats is because I don't really like having to be in the position of hearing bad news, or having to deal with it.  (And, they have pointy sticks they like to jab people with, repeatedly.)  However, once I suck it up, and face the bad news, I actually don't do that bad a job of dealing with it.  (Don't ask the Phenom about that . . . known to lie, you know.)

But, this denial tendency extends to books.  Back, before everyone had a tiny, flat computer on their laps, you could flip to the last page and see if the main characters were still around.  (Yes, I am one of those readers . . . suspense gets the better of me.)  But, now that I'm reading books in an electronic version, it would take much more effort to flip to the last page.  So, I find myself slowing down on reading, once I reach the "scary" bits.

Maybe it isn't denial but cowardice?  I have nightmares real easy too.  If I get to a scary bit (or section with bugs) I have to read past it before I can sleep.  Bug nightmares . . . uh.

Still a problem

In January, in a fit of peak, I purchased a doodad thingie.  One of those computers that slide into your bag.  I can read books, check facebook, play games, and view movies/television on it.  I could do my finances on it, listen to music, or store all my photos too.  If I were organized enough.

But, now that I can literally carry a library of reading around with me, you'd think I'd have fewer books lying around, right?  Nope.  Today, the foot-of-the-bed haul was 3 books and 5 magazines.

I might have a slight problem with hoarding books, cookbooks, and magazines.  Might.

You Take What You Can Get

This review of one of the newest Olive Garden restaurants has gone viral.  One site that reposted it, described it as "unwittingly hilarious."  I suspect, well know, that food snobbery is at play here.  And, Food Snobbery is something I know a little about.  I am a food snob.  I am highly critical of food servers, food preparation, and if I can make it myself (which is always better, well, almost, the local cupcake place has me beat) I never order it in a restaurant.

But, at the same time, I understand the reviewer's words and sentiment.  I live in culinary hell.  We have little variety in our restaurants, and most of them are big, cheap, chains.  (Side note, we actually do have several italianish/greeky places here.  They serve up the expected Americanized fare, but they are family owned and tasty.)  So, whereas Olive Garden is known for over cooking their pasta, drowning it in overrich sauces, and focusing more on the meat atop your pasta mountain than the freshness of their ingredients, if we had one here, people would flock to it.

Because, when you live in culinary hell, you take what you can get.

A moment of your time

I suspect I'm probably on the low end of the spectrum for understanding those computer thingies.  I'm not really a gamer and pretty much I expect that the computer is going to behave in an expected manner every single time I turn it on.   At the same time, I have a touch more knowledge than the human I live with . . . and I'm pretty sure I'd be rated "computer genius" by the average nursing home cohort.

I have enough geek in me to be able to joke with the computer types.  I openly profess that the problem is an Id 10 t problem or exists between the chair and the keyboard.  I love to joke that I just love the "cup holder" my lap top came with.

And, my self assessment of my own computer savvy is greatly enhanced by this web site.  I love Clients from Hell.  I like how, in old fashioned mid-morning talk show fashion, it makes me feel smug about my own smarts.  And, isn't that what we all need in the midst of the day-to-day?  Little moments of unabashed smugness?

Resolution Accomplished!

I am notoriously bad with resolutions.  I generally make some halfhearted and cynical resolution that I know won't change any one's life if left unfulfilled.  But not 2011.  No, in 2011, I made a resolution and saw it through!

I resolved to expose myself to new music.  (Notice how I cleverly put no real parameters on the resolution?  The true secret to resolution fulfillment . . . vagueness.)

I started off the year by listening to new artists' stations on Pandora.  Then, when I heard music reviews on NPR, I would follow up on the artists.  Which is how I found Raphael Saadiq.  I like his old school sound.  I like his style, very classic/y.

Then, I moved on to Pink Martini.  I honestly don't remember how I found them.  I like their Cole Porter irreverence.  There is a cleverness to their lyrics.

And, finally I looked into what my friends are listening to, and found Robbers on High Street.  Truth be told, one of my friends is main squeezin' with one of the members of the band.  I like their classic British pop sound.

I realize that although all these new groups clustered on my iPod are still well within my musical comfort zone, I still count this as expanding my musical library.

I haven't yet come up with a resolution for 2012.  Maybe to reduce the number of places I stash booze in my house to just the kitchen?

Playing Dumb

There is one sort of human you should always play dumb to. Even if you're usually very smart, you should let this one sort of human assume you don't have the brains to put your socks on before your shoes. That would be the computer tech support type of human.

  

Granted, I might have earned this little adventure with computer tech support. I quipped the other day that I enjoy teasing a friend of mine (who is a computer tech support type) that I so appreciate the "cup holder" that came with my computer. HAR HAR HAR

And, I sent an email to a colleague in which I crowed about triumphing over the machine. But, that was after having to unplug, replug, and attempt to scan a document all morning long.

  

Yesterday, my computer decided to exert a little power and control in my life. It failed at an update and BOOM! I can't access any of my programs from my desk top.

  

I woke up several times in the night, heart racing, in fear that today I would discover the blue screen of death on my computer today.

  

But, 15 minutes of making a tech guy wonder why he didn't go into accounting, and VOILA! I'm the master of my domain again. Whew!

  

I told the guy to use small words and speak slowly to me. This was met with one word instructions. I also told him that I was well aware that part of the problem existed between the chair and keyboard. Hopefully, if I ever have to call him back, he'll not run away to join a circus.

Yo

You know the joke; how do you start a fight on the internet? Post something on the internet. Boom!

The last two weeks, I've been able to watch from the sidelines an full on, interwebs screaming match complete with people citing rules and people huffing and puffing. And what started the feud? An inter-office memo about a sale at Starbucks. (see, all you 99% were right . . . corporate America is evil.)

After hearing about the many, many people who felt their perspective was crucial to add into the mix, I couldn't help but think "first world problems, yo."

Here is the antedote to first world problems. Because, you know, cats have issues too. Especially cats with comfy homes and human faces to sleep on.

Haters

In the blogging world, it seems you haven't arrived until you have a handful of haters. I, of course, don't have haters. It's not that I don't have any readers. No, it's because I'm delightful, damnit.

I read several blogs, more or less on a regular. Generally, I avoid political blogs and go more for the personal experience ones. I read some of the seriously popular blogs. I enjoy the writing skill and the humor and the sense of peeking into some one's life. But, I've always respected that, even when I don't agree, that they are writing about their own experiences. And, since I don't actually know any of the writers of any of the blogs I read on a regular, I can only take their word for the fact what they write about is true, on some level.

What I don't understand are the folks who seem to troll blogs for the soul purpose of hating on the writer. One of the less popular blogs I read is written by a missionary. Although her lifestyle choices are wholly different than mine, I appreciate her humor, her writing skill, and the thoughtfulness with which she approaches her work. And, she has haters, apparently. Some of her haters claim to share her religious belief system. Not to say everyone has to agree with everyone else who knows the secret handshake, but it seems weird and hateful and undignified that people feel the need to convey, often publicly, their disagreement.

Yes, we have freedom of speech, but that doesn't mean you ought to use that freedom to harsh someone else's buzz or personal life experience.

I didn't forget

This year, as you may remember, my New Year's resolution was to explore some new music. I've not forgotten that pledge. I haven't yet found a group I could see myself following around and flinging knickers at, yet, but I've not given up.

The latest exploration is Robbers on High Street. I'll confess, I'd never heard of them before, until a friend started dating one of the guys in the band. Then, out of pure loyalty, I started listening. I'm thinking I'll make a purchase soon.

I like the sound . . . reminds me of 80s british pop/punk that I listened to in order to annoy the Old Folks. I'll need to download an album or two for my next road trip . . . I seem to catch lyrics better when I'm in my car.

If you listen to the Robbers on High Street station on Pandora, you can hear other groups that are similar . . . and totally fulfills the whole "new music" requirement in my life.

The New Season, thus far

I've been catching several of the new tv shows this week. Thus far, we've seen:

Two and a Half Men (I'm considering it new due to the changes)
Two Broke Girls
The New Girl
Raising Hope (I know, was on last year, but I totally thought it was new)
Up All Night
Free Agents
Harry's Law

I think they handled the loss of Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men well. I'm not sure the changes are going to work.

I like Two Broke Girls. I think there was good introduction of the characters, good development of the characters, care taken to not make them into caricatures, and there is an over-arching story line that will tie episodes together. And, there were some pretty good lines.

I really want to like The New Girl. I like Zoey and the idea of three hunky guys trying to develop the skills to live with a female roommate none of them are sleeping with is a good start. However, the show is built all around the female lead but the male characters are more interesting and better developed. The pilot was cute, but I didn't see enough to make me think they could sustain beyond 5 episodes. The female lead is more cute-quirky than developed. Only the male characters have multi-facets.

I made it through the whole episode of Raising Hope. I don't think the characters or story line is broad enough to last another season. Which is disappointing, because I like Martha Plimpton as an actor.

Twelve minutes in, we changed the channel on Up All Night. Again, good actors but the story was contrived and lame and it was painful to watch. I liked the painful to watch flavor the office had, but this wasn't funny enough to keep me tuned in.

I lasted less than 5 minutes with Free Agents. There wasn't enough done to introduce the characters or the story line.

Harry's Law has real potential. Of course, Kathy Bates is a good actor. But, the story line seemed compelling and there wasn't too much introduction to the characters, which will allow you to learn their stories over several episodes and lets the show focus on the story line. There also seemed to be enough people in the show that the focus can shift to fill space and time. It may be the next law show to watch.