Typecasting

Ever see the movie What About Bob?  The main character lived by the mantra, if you can fake it, you don't have it.

As a result of my most recent drama, I find that people have demonstrated an outpouring of support and kindness and generous offers.  People have offered to cat sit . . . to fix us food. . . to act as delivery services. It has been heart warming to realize that years of being "decent" has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

Today, alone, I received three different tokens of concern from three very different sources.

First, ESK gave me a pint glass that said "Today I snuck a bunch of booze to work using my stomach."  (Phenom wants to borrow it for the office.)

Then, I got a card from a relation that referenced margaritas.  (A specialty of this household.)

And, I received a book from a friend who has moved to another state but we still work to keep in touch on a regular . . . Cocktails for a Crowd.

If folks actually thought I'd crossed the line from being a delightful drunk monkey to full blown alcoholic, they wouldn't joke about boozy drinks with me, right?

Now, I need to get well super fast because I'm itching for a cocktail party.

Party Fund

I assume most folks have a container in which they dump their pocket change.  I do.  I use stadium cups like those you get at sporting events.  I collect change in them over the course of a couple of years (generally filling several cups to over flowing).

I call it my "party fund."  When I cash in the change for bills, I then use the money for some alcohol fueled indulgence.

I'll be cashing in the cups this weekend.  I hear there's this bar that will give you a t-shirt if you do a shot with a worm in it.  I'll be getting at least one t-shirt with the party fund.  WOOT!

I hope OLD feels like this

Did you know that April is Alcohol Awareness Month?  I did.  I do.  Right now, I'm aware of rum.  Rum and ginger ale makes this really nice drink called a Dark and Stormy.  I've had two.  Well, the second one was real strong.

So, I just was sitting on my patio, surrounded by neighborhood cats and the dog . . . and just giggling at nothing in particular and thought to myself "I hope old feels like this."

Really, I do.  Sadly, I think being a tad numb and fuzzy will be distressing . . . so I need to remember to drink more when I'm an old monkey so I don't find it distressing.  That is all.

Snot rockets and drool

Phenom brought home a cold.  This is rare, but this time Phenom was the source of the death that has overtaken our home.

Of course, being a monkey, I don't have the immunities that humans have.  Normal death diseases for you people is something like snot-filled ebola and the plague rolled into one for me.  On the up side, I'm getting pretty good at snot rocket target shooting.  And, I've been "medicating" with booze.

Berry Good

First off, a disclaimer . . . this is totally ripped off from Nigella Lawson.  Phenom has an unnatural attraction to her.  Well, her form.  She has British tastes, which aren't Phenom's food tastes.

BLACKBERRY VODKA!!!!

I made a batch last year and bottled it up and gave it to ESK as an early Christmas prezzie.  Apparently, it didn't last very long.

Here's what you do.  First, make friends with a farmer who grows blackberries.  This way, they will send you a facebook message to let you know they have blackberries for purchase.

Get a 2 quart jar that you can seal up so that it is air tight.  You'll not want any spillage and there will be vigorous shaking.  Wash out the jar.  Add in 1 quart of fresh blackberries, 1 cup sugar, and a fifth of good vodka.  Seal it up and shake the dickens out of it.  You want all the sugar to dissolve.  Which will take time and patience.

Then, stash in a cool, dark place.  Everyday for 2 weeks, give it a good shake.  Then, once a week for 4 weeks, give it a shake.

You can drink the vodka (or add it into your favorite fancy drinks) and eat the blackberries.  I like to fold a few berries into whipped cream and drizzle a spoonful of the vodka over the top for a fancy looking but easy dessert.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Bourbony goodness

Reading the book Something From The Oven totally changed the way I think of food, especially recipes. I am alert for mass produced items. What are they selling me? How did this recipe become part of the American food landscape?

It would seem that holiday time is the season when our recipes are so closely tied to products. How many tables feature green bean casserole? A triumph of marketing if ever there were one.

I, myself, make lots and lots of chex mix this time of year. And, I make bourbon balls. I'm not sure if it were the bourbon industry or the vanilla wafer industry I should thank for their marketing genius. I have a hand written, scribbled recipe in my big collection book that I use every year. So far, no complaints. (oh, and if you don't have a food processor, you won't have much fun making these.)

1 12 oz (ish) box vanilla wafers
1/2 cup pecans
1/2 cup raisins
2 tbls cocoa powder
1/4 cup bourbon
1/3 (very generous) cup corn syrup

Grind up the wafers and pecans until fine. Add cocoa, raisins, bourbon, and syrup. Blend until it becomes a mass. Roll into cherry sized balls and roll in powdered sugar. Refrigerate at least overnight. They are better at room temp. They will keep for months in the fridge, if you have self control. It makes a few dozen, I'm told; I've never counted.

Two birds, one liquor bottle

Well, actually more than one liquor bottle.

I once had a regional VP tell my immediate supervisor that I was "anal" and she meant it in the best possible way. As in uptight about the details. And, I'm a planner. I like thinking ahead and having a sense of what is going to happen and my role in it.

So, 6 weeks ago, when I was down to my last shot (for my arthritis), I called my doctor and asked her to issue a fresh prescription to my local pharmacy because my company had recently changed insurance companies. She sent the prescription on, and given the new insurance, the pharmacist had to get approval from the insurance company first. Which I knew and is why I moved on it two weeks before I would actually need the shot. Two weeks should have been plenty of time, right?

Well, it's now 6 weeks later, three free shots from my doctor, multiple trips to the "big city", several faxes, many phone calls, quite a few profane words, and a royal run around later, and I haven't gotten a shot this week because the insurance company is doing everything it can to delay paying for my prescriptions.

Chances are, next week, it will all be ironed out. . . but until then, I'm one kinked up mess of a monkey. I've been on this drug for so many years I'd forgotten what an arthritis flare up was like. I can't sleep, because I can't get comfortable. Arthritis exhausts you and you compound it with no sleep and pain you can't get rid of . . . it is one ugly pile of monkey. Add to it the frustration of knowing that you're in this shape because a group of asshats would rather line their pockets with a few more dollars than serve their paying customers.

So, I'm self medicating this weekend. Yup, hittin' the sauce. But, the upside is that my new annual New Year's Resolution is to "clean out" the liquor cabinet. So, this weekend, I'm finally getting around to that project. So far, we've finished off a bottle of vodka and the bottle of Jack Daniels the Old Woman passed on to me that she'd taken from her sister's house after her sister passed away 20 some odd years ago.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll pick up some limeade and tackle the tequila.

Drunk Post

Happy New Year, Ya'll!

The Honesty of Children

When I was a young monkey, and had first matriculated into school, the most commonly written comment in my year books was something along the lines of "you're weird, but I guess you're okay."

Which may explain why my favorite drunk dial line is "you look very very pretty tonight." I've recently taken to IMing people and telling them that their fly is down.

Apparently, I'm the only one who thinks it's funny. Me and Jack Daniels that is.

bonus post, brought to you by TEQUILA

yeah, I've had a couple of shots of tequila . . . what of it? Anyway, tonight, I'm reading OH, THE JOYS (I don't know why I had to shout that, oh well) and she has this post about ruining some little child's secret about alligators . . . and it is just about the saddest thing I've ever read after a couple of shots of tequila. I think the Phenom won't let me have another shot of tequila. I'd really like another . . . which is exactly what tequila would like me to want . . the hussy.