It makes a monkey's eye twitch

The Phenom told me, again, this weekend that I am a food snob.  Of course, I always deny it.  But, yeah, he might be right.

His admonishment came after I screamed and ranted over a friend's facebook post.  My friend just moved from Seattle to NYC.  Seattle is world famous for their fish markets and seafood and NYC is one of the best food cultures in the world . . . also a place where you can get fresh, local seafood.

My friend is from one of the SE Atlantic states and was visiting family over the weekend.  His family lives in a coastal community.  He posted a picture of having seafood with the family . . . king crab legs.  KING CRAB LEGS . . . from like the other side of the planet . . .not one of the SE Atlantic states.  

AND SE coastal blue crabs have their soft shell season in May for several weeks, and crabs are harvested until fall.  Why wouldn't you eat the local seafood when you're at the coast?  Why have stuff that was flown in, frozen, when you could have something super fresh . . . and SOFT SHELL?

I live just far enough inland that I'm picky about my seafood.  And, when I travel to places on various coastlines, I eat the local fare . . . a lot of it . . . really, every meal.  But the local stuff  . . . not stuff flown in from else where.  You people are killin' me.

Accidental hipster?

I like to make fun of hipsters.  I have relatives who could be described as hipsters.  They grow their own mushrooms.  They are certified urban composters.  They collect childish things, ironically.  They shop in thrift stores, but spend a lot of money doing so.

And, the other day it dawned on me . . . could I be a trending towards hipsterdom too?

I use a coffee maker that looks vaguely like this:

I've had it a hundred years.  It makes a nice double shot in less time than it takes for my cats to eat their breakfast.  I have a more complicated one, too.  It has a spout for steaming milk.  I rarely use it, since it actually takes a long time to make the coffee and then reheat for steaming milk.

I admit, I have a bit of a mason jar fetish.  They make handy storage containers that are easily washed and don't contribute to the trash.  And, making chocolate milk in them makes since, since shaking it makes for a nice, chocolaty foam.  Chocolate foam, who wouldn't want in on that?

While visiting a friend this weekend, she left out her coffee maker for me to use when I got up.  It was a melita drip cone . . .  like I used in college.  Only hers had an opening you could see your coffee level through and not over fill your cup.  That would have been so handy in college.

So, keep your super expensive and landfill filling coffee gadgets.  I'm happy with my very old, very basic coffee maker.  Someday, ya'll will be coming back to the real way to make coffee.

Humbug

I'm not religious.  In that I don't like religions.  If you want to debate the existence of a "god" or whatever, I'll bite (when in the right mood . . . or drunk . . . or high).  But, just as I see patriotism as dangerous, I see religious fervor as dangerous.  Yes, dangerous.  Way too many people have died with religious justifications in the minds of their killers.  Way too many people have been harmed, "othered", scorned, made to feel less human, due to another's religious wackiness.

The Phenom and I do not really celebrate Christmas. . . other than to use it as an excuse to go on a drinking walk-about in NOLA.  We don't put up a tree.  We don't decorate our home.  We don't exchange gifts amongst ourselves (save for airline tickets and buying the next round).

And yet, I have a pretty elaborate holiday ritual of making fruitcakes.  This year, I made 40 and at least 34 were claimed before the first raisin hit rum.

And, I secretly tear up over christmas music.

And, when I get a chance to watch a video alone, I always have to watch A Christmas Memory.



The Old Woman and I always watched this movie.  Now that she's gone, I cry over it.  Frankly, as I get older, christmas is more about being sad than rejoicing.

Humbug.

Damn You, Esquire!

So, in my little world, there has been much discussion about the recent Esquire Mag. article about how some wanker has sent out the word to other wankers (and I use the term wanker as a noun and a verb) that "42 year old women" are now totally "boner worthy."

Yeah, it's offensive. These are the dudes who couldn't work up the courage to talk to a woman in their 20's, had crushes on totally out of their league women in their 30's, had some fairly unsatisfying trysts in their 40's, and now that they are balding, sporting a beer gut, and realizing they will probably die alone, have decided to do woman-kind the favor of expanding their definition of those worthy of their attentions.  Barf.

But, it annoys me for another, totally selfish, reason. If the creepers out there are now going to be turning their sights on persons in their 40's, I lose my invisibility.  DAMN IT.

When I was a teen monkey, and hit puberty, it was a weird mix of exciting and mortifying.  Then, by college, I'd kinda gotten use to it.  AND SHAZAM! in college the dudes appreciated me for being smart and cute.  So much different from high school where I was pretty much an undateable nerd.  It was fun.  There was some power in it.

When I settled down to being an adult with a real relationship and real job, I wanted to be taken seriously for my character and hard work, so I became very modest.  In my 30's, I decided that I was no longer in danger of not being taken seriously because of my age.  Then, I hit my 40's.  And I became invisible.  Men no longer looked at me like bait anymore.  Any flirting that happens is of the totally harmless sort.  And, I have the luxury of not giving a flip about what people think about how I dress or what I do, because I'm mostly invisible anyway.

Hopefully, the knuckle draggers around here are too busy wanking to read the manifesto in over rated men's mags to make my existence to difficult.  However, I think that the dudes who are likely to think they are doing 42 year old women a "favor" by hitting on them may find that our bullshit meters are very delicately tuned these days.

Food snob rant

It is nearing midnight an the yokels' firework supply seems to be endless.  I'm glad we took Chester to the vet to board for the weekend; he'd be a mess by now.

This petty, misanthropic annoyance may be to blame for me breaking my silence on one of those facebook facts of life that I've kept my mouth shut about, until now.  (And, the reason this rant is going on the blog and not facebook is because I don't wish to invoke the looting villagers wrath of those who know their sin.)

HOW EFFIN' LAZY DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO USE YOUR CROCK POT FOR FOODS THAT NEED NEVER SEE A CROCK POT?

First, it was an intern who told me that she sets up eggs in her crock pot at night so that her breakfast is ready to eat in the morning when she wakes up.  I cannot even begin to imagine how dried out or rubbery crock pot scrambled eggs must be like.  And, how lazy do you have to be to run an appliance over night for EGGS!  (Seriously, when I come in from the gym, I slug down a glass of kefir and then scramble two eggs for my breakfast while the cats have their breakfast.  It takes all of 5 minutes to pull eggs out of the fridge, heat some butter in a pan, whisk the eggs, cook them, and slide them on a plate.)

But then I saw, on facebook, people going ape-shit happy over some giant pancake in a crock pot recipe.  WHAT THE EFF?  I get the appeal must be something like putting peeps in the microwave to see them puff up, but really? I find that novelty foods rarely are foods you actually want to eat.

Tonight, someone posted a crock pot french toast recipe.  Really?  You would go to all the trouble of putting together the ingredients (milk, eggs, flavorings and bread) but then leave it for hours in a crock pot rather than spend 10 minutes at the stove?

You people are strange.  Crock pots are a crock.  There.  I said it.  Crock pots are a total waste of time and space.

1st World Problems, again

I'm getting ever closer to no longer looking like a jr. high first aid class got hold of me.  Only one, small, bandage left!!!

In anticipation of having no more open wounds on my gut, I'm looking for a swimsuit so I can add lap swimming into my exercise routine.  OH DAMN am I having a hard time finding a swimsuit.

First, there is a difference between a swim and BATHING suit.  A bathing suit leaves plenty of open space for tanning, flimsy straps that you can move to avoid various tan lines.  A swim suit needs to be functional.  I need straps that will stay in place.  I need a suit that I won't be fighting to keep in place as I move.  I need it to hold up in a gym pool for several months, if not years.  I need it to be comfortable for exercise.

I've looked at several sites and am completely befuddled about sizes.  The most common issue I have is that I will look at the sizing chart for the particular brand I'm exploring and then find that the sizes on their sizing chart don't match the sizes listed on their web site.  WTF!?  (I showed this to the Phenom and he agreed it was strange.)

Additionally, I have a long torso, meaning I need either adjustable straps or a suit made for my freakish body.  I find that if I can match up my torso measurement to a size, the hip or chest measurement doesn't match.

It's damn frustrating.  I want something more substantial than what mega mart offers . . . but I might have to just buy two or three cheapo suits and hope they hang on until the next swimsuit season rolls around.  No one wants wardrobe failure in the gym pool.

Oh that pesky 1st Amendment

First off, let us remind ourselves of what the constitution ACTUALLY SAYS.  Read here.  And, of course every good rule has exceptions, and you can read them here.

The issue that probably rankles me the most is this whole religion thing.  The first amendment specifically prohibits laws that establish a state religion.  That's why we are NOT a "christian" nation.  Yes, we have lots of christian people in our nation, but the nation is not specifically christian.  And, we have a whole lot of folks in this nation who are both religious and NOT CHRISTIAN.  That is their right.  Also, the amendment can not impede YOU from practicing YOUR religion . . . so long as your practice does not violate the social order (like human sacrifice.)  However, this does not give you license to IMPOSE your religious practices on others as a matter of LAW.  If you want to pray before taking a test in math class . . . GREAT.  You can not create a law/policy forcing everyone in the room to say YOUR prayer before math tests.  You can choose not to utilize the birth control benefit offered by your health insurance but you cannot, on religious grounds, demand that a law is made prohibiting other folks from utilizing that benefit in accordance to their belief system.

Also, say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays all you want.  But stop getting so pissy if someone doesn't say your preferred generic greeting back to you.

Which leads us to freedom of speech.  This freedom means you can say things the government might not like, and they can't arrest you (with some exceptions . . . pretty much, child porn is not a freedom of speech issue).  It does not mean you can say any foul, hateful, nasty, bigoted, backasswards thing that comes into your brain with NO SOCIAL RAMIFICATIONS.  If you think it is just Hill-air-ious to post an old "negros not welcome" sign in your place of business . . . I totally have the right to refuse to enter your business and tell others why I refuse to utilize your business.  If you are a corporate bully and try to use your millions of dollars to shut down a small business man, I can tell anyone I want why I don't eat "the jesus chicken."

If what you say loses business for your employer . . . your employer can fire you.  If you incite violence with your speech, you can be arrested or sued.  Freedom of Speech is not freedom of stupidity.

That is all.

Getting back in the groove

After the foodapalooza that was my trip to PDX, I've had a hard time getting back to the discipline of my diet.  And, add to the lack of motivation, we've hit that point in the winter when I really want fresh veggies and bright flavors.

But, I've learned how to snack better.  I invested in a bunch of 1/2 cup plastic containers at the start of this diet.  Each day, I fill a couple with various snacks.  Usually, one has almonds and cashews.  Another might have some hummus.  Sometimes, I'll pack up some cheese.  I try to have at least one dairy and one nut serving a day to boost the protein.  I've discovered that strips of red/yellow bell pepper with a single serve packet of guacamole is a great afternoon snack.  Greek yogurt has become a staple.  My friends in PDX introduced me to Greek Gods Yogurt.  It is full fat. . .  but like eating custard.  I also keep baby carrots and tiny tomatoes available for on the fly snacking.

But, the thing that seems to help the most are flavors.  I've found that dipping my hard boiled eggs in harissa makes for a tasty breakfast.  Tonight, I put a little curry powder and a pinch of salt in a bowl, and dipped tiny tomatoes in it.  Curry is one of my favorites.

Even if I don't stick to the diet forever, at least I've expanded my snacking.

Eye Twitch

The other day, I finally managed to make it to the hair appointment that I missed in December.  As I was sitting there, feeling all comfortable with the non-mutual grooming (mutual grooming at the hair dressers, I've learned, is a no-no) when the asshat sitting in the chair next to me decided to read aloud a meme he'd gotten through the emails.  It compared the various ways people die in this country . . . how many by assault rifle, how many by claw hammers, how many from medical malpractice.  The point of the email was to point out that you are "600 times more likely to die from medical malpractice than an assault rifle."  And, he went on the observe that you are more likely to die from "Obamacare" than assault rifles (making assault rifles safe, right?). 

So, now the Obama administration is responsible for all medical practice in the country?  Sigh.  Such a failure of the American educational system that such a STUPID leap of non-logic could be made. 

Reforming our medical system is not a new issue.  Remember, the Clintons tried to initiate some healthcare reform only to find that actually addressing the issues that break our health care system is a politically untouchable issue?  

Americans still say that our health care system isn't adequate.  Generally, that means that we think the system in place now isn't priced at a reasonable level, there isn't adequate accountability for doctors beyond long, drawn out law suits in which the lawyers benefit most, and generally, to get the services we need, it's a hassle.  Health insurance and big pharma make money hand over fist while holding the fates of peoples' lives in their greedy little hands.  It was this way before Obama, and trust me . . . no matter what the current government does . . . it will continue to be this way, until people are more trustworthy and less douche-y.

However, perhaps if we actually invested in education (not the systems that run/ruin education) we might be able to have thoughtful, meaningful, and productive discussions about healthcare, equality, and lowering the douche factor around the country.

A rant, pure and simple.

I'm sure you've seen this story on your facebook feeds or in the media.  I first saw the story on FB.  When I saw it, I didn't see the name of the "pastor" involved or the name of the restaurant.  But, I found it infuriating, on behalf of people who have served tables everywhere.

As if the nastiness of her comments on weren't enough, and her attempt to force unpaid labors upon a poor waitress, but then she called the restaurant and got the poor waitress fired.  Really? 

In her statements, she doesn't so much apologize as navel gaze about how this has impacted her. 

Frankly, you're too selfish to be a pastor.  And, I'm assuming you don't minister for free. . . why would you expect a waitress to serve you for free?

I told you so

One of the manifestations of my yellow-bellied, wet-the-bed liberal ideas is that you will never convince me that the vast majority of people "need" or should have guns.  I realize, if the media is to be believed, that this puts me in quite the minority.  And, I do notice that those friends of mine who are avid hunters take gun safety very seriously.

But, the fact of the matter remains that the vast majority of people shot with guns are not shot in self-defense.  They are generally shot in vicious, violent and senseless crimes.  (Including that weird "stand your ground" crap in some states.)

I hear from a lot of people that gun control won't work because criminals don't much care.  But, I argue that it is a start.  We have radically changed our culture around smoking.  It took a few generations, but it happened.  I think gun control laws can be the start to major changes in our cultural attitudes around guns.

First, I don't understand why every single gun isn't tracked by the government.  If the government can keep track of how many sinus tabs I buy, surely they can also have a central registry of gun serial numbers and track the purchase of bullets.

Second, assault rifles, semi-automatic, and kevlar piercing bullets are made for hunting people and/or cops.  Thus, should be outright banned.

Third, it should be much more of a hassle to own a gun.  You should have to insure your guns.  And, there should be liability attached to every gun registered to you.  If a gun registered to you is used in a crime, you are liable . . . and that crap line about the gun being "stolen" . . . well, if you didn't report it stolen, then you still bear the responsibility for the gun.  In order to insure your gun, you should have to demonstrate that you store them properly.  Guns should be strictly registered to specifically licensed individuals.  If your child or brother-in-law is caught with your gun, it goes against your liability insurance.

Fourth and last, it should be a whole lot easier to lose your guns.  If your child brings a gun to school, you lose your guns.  If you fail to report a gun stolen and it is used in a crime, you lose your guns.  If you demonstrate in any way a lack of vigilance in keeping your guns properly, you lose your guns.  If you make threats, ever and to anyone, you lose your guns.  You post pictures of your guns on your facebook page like it makes you tough and bad, you lose your guns.

We take sinus tabs and cars and birth control pills more seriously in our culture than we do guns.  It's about time we start looking at how desensitized we have become as a culture, and work to create meaningful changes that will make gun violence a rarity.

Stages

I've pretty much codified, in my mind, the steps to being unfriended by me.

First, there are sudden death unfriendings.  They include if I learn that you have lied to me, or involved me in your lies without my knowledge.  (If you're getting a kitten for your child and you want it to stay at my house until the gifting, I'll be happy to participate.  But, if you're cheating on your spouse, forget it.)  Also, if you post seriously offensive stuff.  I'm not really talking about differences of opinion.  I'm thinking more in line with the former friend who, upon learning that her pet boy had cheated on her, posted several posts that were increasingly violent towards the young man and his other love.  The post that go her "sudden death" was when she combined overt racism with a violent threat.  Buh-bye.

But, for the rest of folks, if you post stuff I find offensive or in poor taste, first, I will hide the post.  If you post something that I believe is hurtful to others, I might send you a private message expressing my concern.  Your response could put you in the running for being unfriended.  If you post enough things I feel the need to hide, I will remove you from my feed.  This seems to be the easiest way to not interfere with anyone's first amendment rights while also removing the temptation to snark.

If, after I have removed you from my feed, you go out of your way to be an ass, I'm done with you.

In the aftermath of the horrific shooting yesterday, one of my "friends" posted that "guns don't kill people, people kill people."  I hid it from my feed.  That's strike one.

Missing: Southern Charm

The Old Woman always urged me to be pleasant, to keep my less charitable thoughts to myself, and smile sweetly and dig my fingernails into my thigh if I had too.  She didn't like conflict.  She was very much of the "be the bigger person" school.

Several years ago, one of the Old Woman's in-laws had a stroke.  She claimed that it destroyed the part of her brain that contained her "southern charm" and used the stroke as her excuse to say and do anything she pleased.

Despite my reputation, my "southern charm" has been the Old Woman's voice in my head telling me to be pleasant.  Truthfully, I censor about 80% of what comes into my brain.  YOU. ARE. WELCOME.

Since the Old Woman's death, I find my ability to put up with the bullshit of others a whole lot diminished.

Last week, an acquaintance I've known for over 20 years was in the mood to pick a fight.  When his argument devolved into feigned offense at the mildest of statements and some nonsense about driving cars not being mentioned in the constitution, I decided he was just in the mood to fight and not to have a real conversation, so I quit contributing to my side of the conversation.  Several days passed with no communication between us when I received a instant message from him that read "you know, beauty is skin deep but you can't fix stupid."

I deleted him from my friend list and have decided that I will be much happier with no further communication with such a dolt.  Anyone else wanna pick a fight?

Screaming at the radio

One of the observations I have of many humans is how easily their lives tumble out of control.  I have found my self observing the occasional mess of a person and thought "it was probably one or two decisions, probably seemed harmless enough at the time, that snowballed into the disaster you have now."

Since the revelations of the horrifying sexual abuse perpetrated by former Penn State coach Sandusky, there have been many conversations about child abuse, responsibility, and who should have done what and when.

Which is what led me to screaming at the radio today, while some dip of a student was interviewed on a news program I was listening to.  This poor, stupid child, was nearly in tears as she declared that the sanctions imposed on Penn State by the NCAA were going to ruin her opportunities to get an education.

Um, how?  Are you losing your football scholarship?  Does your degree depend upon Penn State going to a bowl game?

These sanctions are not about the actions of Jerry Sandusky.  They are about the actions, and lack of action, from the administrators who decided to take the cowards' way out.  This punishment is about the athletic director, head coach, and president who KNEW they should have (legally, ethically, and morally) reported the abuse to off campus authorities, but put their own comforts, the reputation of the school, and the game of football above the well being of untold children.  In doing so, they communicated to the victims that football is more important than their very lives, and to Sandusky that so long as they didn't have to confront it themselves, carry on.

Lots of talking heads have plead that JoePa's lifetime of achievement shouldn't be forever tainted by the criminal acts of another.  But, when JoePa's influence convinced others to not act, he committed a crime nearly as great as the abuser himself.  One decision, seemingly harmless, snowballed into a tragedy.

So, Penn State student who thinks this is about you . . . perhaps you stop to consider that JoePa and your athletic director and your university president were criminals too.

Your moment of "ew"

I don't make this stuff up, people.  But, when I'm forced to face it, I feel everyone else should too.

One of the people on my "friends" list on facebook is a guy I know from high school.  We also attended the same college, but rarely crossed paths.  He now is married, has several children, and does something with computers for a large business.

When the facebook obsession first came along, I started getting messages from women on my "friends" list wanting to know who this guy was (they asked me because I was the only mutual friend between the women on my list and this guy) and why was he friend requesting them?  Honestly, I couldn't figure out why he was friend requesting women he didn't know, and would never have the occassion to ever know.

I contacted him and asked him to stop.  It was giving women the willies.  And, frankly, I assumed he was just padding his friends numbers and being a nerd about it.

But, then he didn't stop.  I continued to hear from women, often times fairly young women, that he was friend requesting them.  I contacted him again and told him I found it disturbing that a married man who professes to be a christian was spending so much time friending women he didn't know.  And, if you looked over his friends list, you found that 8 of 10 of his friends were women, often very young women.

He stopped, so far as I know.  I haven't had anymore of my friends ask about him.

But, a couple of weeks ago, posts started showing up in his feed (which then show up in the niffy "lists" feed on everyone else's page) from some "weekly match" site.  Apparently, he went trolling around the interwebs, looking for hook-ups, and now that site is posting hook-up opportunities on his page.  I was willing to dismiss it as a spam posting, the first couple of times.  But, now that I get to see his "weekly match" every Monday morning, well, it gives me the creeps.

Should I message him and tell him that it's creepy, and public?  I've already unsubscribed to him in my main feed.  Or, do I unfriend him completely?  

Cheating on your spouse is creepy.  Using social media to seek out your hook-ups is common and dumb (um, electronic trail = divorce court).  Posting about your trolling for cheating is pathetic.

The Trouble with Paula

The news cycles around the whole diabetes thing and Paula Deen has finally quieted.  As someone who is fascinated by the subject of food and addicted to cooking shows, I have spent too much time on this news story.

First off, I don't watch her show.  She personifies a form of southern womanhood I find pretty annoying . . . the fuzzy haired, incredibly loud, taking pride in being uninformed, overly entitled stereotype.  You know, women who have a theme sweater (many with blinking lights) for every day of October and December.

And, I followed the media fueled "feud" between her and my boy, Tony.  He was right.  The diet she promoted on her show wasn't healthy.  She elevated indulgence into the everyday.

On one hand, her signature style is "too much is not enough."  And, you wouldn't really expect her to do a complete about-face just because she could no longer handle the diet.  She had a formula that worked, why change it because of her personal health problems?  I get that no one wants to become the poster child for their particular circumstance.

The thing that irks me is how she continues to flaunt her poor diet.  And, like my previous rant about Newt and the personal nature of what makes my left eye involuntarily twitch when I hear his voice, there is a fairly personal reason I find Ms Deen's current behavior so troubling.  Years ago, I had a friend who had diabetes.  She was advised to try to control it with her diet.  She was scheduled to see nutritionists and dietitians to help her develop eating habits that would both satisfy her as well as meet her health needs.  And, she stubbornly refused.  I remember one day, speaking to her on the phone, when she told me that she was having to go on insulin because the diabetes had progressed.  Then, she told me that her nutritionist had told her that she shouldn't eat more than 1/2 a banana in a day, due to the sugars in the fruit.  My friend didn't like bananas, so this should have been easy, right?  No.  My friend hated being told she couldn't or should do something more than she disliked bananas.  She went out that day and bought and ate 5 whole bananas. Then, she bragged to me that she hadn't ended up in a medical emergency, so maybe they didn't know what they were talking about after all.

When I see Ms Deen scarfing cake on morning talk shows, I have to think back to my friend . . . now dead . . . who also flaunted the diet that would have made her life more comfortable and longer.

I yelled at the wrong person

Tomorrow, I go in for some "tests."  Read, the hospital is gonna make another payment on the machine that goes ping.

I'm not a good patient.  I intensely dislike the way medicine is practiced in this country.  I dislike that there are still vestiges of the misogyny the AMA sanctioned 100 years ago in preventing women from entering medical schools.  Seven minutes is not sufficient time for trust to be established for a relationship that is beneficial.  And, what's with all the getting naked?  You humans are a kinky bunch.

I also resent that insurance companies have created a dynamic in which doctors are more responsible to them than to patients.  At no time, during the endless chatter over health care reform, did anyone suggest that perhaps too much damned profit is being made from disease, injury, and death.

And, I really don't like being touched or looked at real hard.  (I know, my own issue.  But, you're not gonna put me back in that cage!)

The doctor's office was suppose to make arrangements for these tests.  I ended up having to chase down an appointment myself.  Then, today, the billing department for the hospital called to "pre-register" me.  Meaning, shake me down for $800.  Seriously.  They told me what my out of pocket costs would be and demanded to know exactly how much I would be paying prior to my appointment.  I think mob hits have been more polite.

While I was still ranting to the Phenom about the gall, the indignity, the sheer greed . . . the hospital called again.  And, I was very rude to the caller.  When she mispronounced my fairly common, old fashioned, not-at-all-exotic-or strangely-spelled name, I questioned her primary education.  And, the poor dear, she was from a totally different department just calling to confirm my appointment.

I feel a little bad for yelling at her.  But, I'm still pissed off that the billing folks are acting like I owe them some gambling debt.

Tomorrow should be even more fun.  Especially since Phenom refuses to promise to kick in the shins anyone who is mean to me.  However, I did use my tantrum to justify buying myself a new electronic toy.

Airing

The other day, someone quipped that we were celebrating Festivus.  So, in the spirit of festivus, I am going to air a few grievances.

1. Spitting.  I have a weak constitution for vomit and spitting is just smaller vomit, in my mind.
2. People who are late to their own events.  If you think your event/meeting/party/appointment is so important as to infringe on my time, don't you think you ought to let it infringe on yours too?
3.  People who walk in the street when there is a perfectly good sidewalk available.
4. People who air their dirty laundry on social media.  Your date stood you up?  That's why we have texting.  Your mate been steppin' out on you?  See a lawyer . . . don't change your relationship status to "it's complicated."  Someone talking trash about your child?  Call their parents.
5. Companies with piss poor customer service.  I'm talking about you bellsouth.  Don't make me key in my phone number, mash 15 buttons working through your phone tree, waste 15 minutes of my time, when you could start off with a recording that there is an internet outage in my area.  Don't make me repeat the same information to your service peoples that you made me key in during your phone tree.  I think you'll find that the relationship between me and your employees will be so much improved it you don't start off by wasting my time or annoying me before I even get to a live person.
6. Store clerks who seem to think that I want their commentary on the products I'm buying.  I don't care if you don't know what tofu is, you're not buying it.  I don't really care if you like walnuts more than pecans.

Okay . . .that should do me for the year.  Now, who wants to fight me for the feats of strength?

Now, I get it

Remember the Eat More Kale dude? How the evil, and somewhat illiterate, corporate empire is trying to shut down his little business? Even though there isn't even a franchise of the evil empire in his home state and the nearest one is 120 miles away?

I finally understand why Chick-fil-a needs to shut him down now.

Tonight, I'm making beans and greens for dinner (with a parm/crouton crust). As I was pulling the kale off their stalks, I realized . . . kale stalks . . . chicken bones. . . more or less exactly the same. . . only not.

To further my understanding, as I was putting the kale into the pot, handful by handful, I found that the curly leaves were a tad unruly and didn't really seem to want to go into the hot, bubbling pot. . . as I assume a chicken would react if being dumped into a pot.

It's so clear now. And, the good news for the evil empire is that I now have more compassion for the poor, helpless, no-doubt-grown-indoors-and-in-inhumane-conditions kale.

And, finally the rant

This isn't meant to offend. It really is just a rant. Something I can't really say out loud around most folks, but it's been nagging at me.

Over the last few weeks, with increasing frequency, I've been seeing various (mostly facebook) media rants of "keep Christ in Christmas" and "I say Merry Christmas" and the like. The people behind this "movement" typically are under the impression that community, state, and/or national leadership/governmental sorts that opt for the more general "season greetings" or "happy holidays" are somehow denigrating Christianity. That their morals and values as a Christian are being intentionally and personally threatened by those two phrases.

Frankly, I think their stance is insensitive to the wide variety of folks we have in this country, and is bullying.

I've always seen "season greetings" or "happy holidays" as being less about acknowledging that not every person in this country is a Christian, but more about being a catch-all nicety. I've always thought those phrases encompassed Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Years, etc. And, the fact of it is, there is no "official state religion" in this country. And, not everyone is a Christian. It's not like our country isn't mostly Christian identified . . . the post office isn't closed on Jewish holidays.

So, how about you say the phrase that allows you to be true to your own belief system but try backing off the bullying behavior?

Oh, and when you put your Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving and leave it up until February 1st? You have a holiday tree.