The Learning Opportunity

So, anyone who has a social media presence at all knows all too well the big fail that was Gwyneth Paltrow's attempt to participate in the $29 food stamp challenge.  I've read several articles, critical, about the situation.  And, we talked about it in our office.

I had several initial thoughts from the photo she posted.  1) It was not enough food for a week of eating,  2) several of her purchases were flavorings and not really foods, 3) girl is gonna get tired of black beans and rice and 4) that's enough food, perhaps, for a weekend but not seven days.

Limes (why so many limes?), cilantro, garlic, a single onion and pepper are more flavorings than food.  I think she was thinking she'd cook up a big pot of beans and rice and create a couple different dishes out of it . . . like a black bean salsa.  Surely that would be why she'd buy one ear of corn, for a salsa?  Right?  And she wasn't planning on multiple meals out of that one sweet potato, right?

I did 5 minutes worth of research and this is how I'd spend my $29 dollars: (I went to a local food store chain and looked up prices.  I am not considering sales tax in my calculations but that is offset by the consideration that the store is considered one of the more expensive food stores in my area.  I'm pretty sure I could get the items cheaper at Wal-mart, thus affording sales tax.)

1 lb dry beans (black beans or pintos) - 1.45
1 lb brown rice (just because it is more nutritious and more filling) - 1.50
1 lb sharp cheddar cheese (block, not pre shredded) -  4.49
1 loaf whole wheat bread - 1.99
Peanut butter - 2.50
2 lbs carrots - 1.89
12 oz apples - 1.50
1 head garlic - 0.59
1 packet taco seasoning - 0.69
36 oz grits - 1.99
3 lbs sweet potatoes - 2.67
8oz butter/canola oil blend - 2.79
bag mixed kale/spinach/greens - 3.00

Here are some of my meal ideas:

• beans and rice bowl topped with some chopped greens and a little cheese
• cook 1/2 sweet potato/handful kale/a couple of carrots together, serve with grits 
• rice with spoonful of butter, diced apple 
• peanut butter and apple sandwich
• roll out a couple slices of bread to make "tortillas" and create a sweet potato and black bean burrito with taco seasoning/garlic
• Salad of greens with slices of cold grits fried polenta style with carrots, apple, and cheese.
• Cook an apple and sweet potato together to make a "butter" and have it with either toast or          PB/apple/sweet potato sandwich serve with carrot sticks and slice of cheese
• Mash black beans with taco seasoning and spread it on toast with greens
• saute greens with butter and garlic, serve with grits and cheese

Of course, there are straight up PB sandwiches and grits with butter and cheese.  For a treat, grate some of the cheese and make a grilled cheese sammy.

I will admit that there are more carbs in this menu/list than I would normally buy.  Doing this list immediately made me long for the farmer's market in town.  I would trade store bought apples/sweet potatoes/bagged greens for cukes/squash/eggplant/peppers and onion in a heart beat.

But, I could feed myself on this for a week.  I would have some food left over (3 lbs of grits?!)  But, I would have some variety, some protein, and learn to appreciate the sweetness of carrots, apples, and peanut butter.

I did originally have oatmeal on the list.  But, I felt that grits could be used as a breakfast as well as dinner carb, and I didn't want to buy milk for oatmeal.

The decision to purchase no canned foods (other than PB) and meat was intentional.  I feel that the nutritional value of fresh produce outweighs the increased volume from buying canned veggies.  Also, although I am not a vegetarian, I have no problem eating vegetarian for long periods of time and meat is so very expensive.

I wonder if I could increase the budget to $60 and feed myself and the Phenom on it just to see how it would work?  He's pretty tied to junk food.  Maybe I propose it to him and see if he's game rather than springing it on him.  The lack of twinkies (apparently the chocolate covered ones are the best thing ever) or coke products or chips might create some form of adverse reaction.  $60 would allow for coffee.  We could not do this if the phenom could not have coffee.  And, I'd want to do it when I could shop at the farmer's market.  Our farmer's market takes WIC and SNAP recipients can get vouchers for the market upon request.

HOWEVER, even as I write this, I'm totally aware that I will have the luxury of a car to get from market to store, I have adequate storage and cooking facilities, and the time to plan for this to be a ONE time event in our lives.  Which kinda makes me as bad as Gwyneth, doesn't it?

A is for . . .

The world (I guess) is waiting for major league baseball to smack down A-Rod today.  There has been much speculation over just how severe it will be . . . this long awaited punishment for cheating.

Here's the thing . . . why is the player's union defending this guy?  How is it possible that he could ever play again?  How come Pete Rose has a lifetime ban from baseball and all he did was gamble (and never against his own team)?

A-Rod, and the other guys getting caught up in the most recent rounding up of the usual suspects, not only cheated . . . they cheated THE GAME.  And, they cheated other players.  Their "enhanced" performances meant that they got a bigger share of the salary cap, undeservedly.  Their selfishness has tarnished the game.  They created an atmosphere in which younger players felt like they HAD to cheat too.

Ban them all from the sport.  Really ban them.  Oh, and bring back Pete Rose.

Squandered

I've said, more than once, that I seriously dislike stupid people.  Not people who can't . . . but people who can and decide not to.

So, the train wreck that is/was Whitney Houston kinda bothers me.  Well, the unabashed romanticizing of her life bothers me.

It seems to me that there are so many humans who start out life with so many disadvantages.  Sometimes it's poverty or lack of access to proper medical care or isms or disabilities.  But, you so often see people who start off with disadvantages work and struggle and create something of their lives.  Whether it's the intellectually disabled person who has faithfully arrived at their job at the sheltered workshop for 20 years without a single absence, or the person from the third world who was just awarded a Nobel prize, they made something of their lives and contributed to the planet.

Whitney Houston started out life way ahead in the race.  She had a family pedigree that bought her instant entry into the world of entertainment/fame/fortune.  She had an incredible talent.  She was beautiful.  She could have seriously contributed to the planet.  (I know, some would say that her music did contribute.  I won't argue with that, but I was thinking that she could use her position to advocate for medical care for the poor or food for the hungry or music education programs in the inner city.)  But, instead, she threw it all away on a spiral of self-pity and drugs and booze.

That's the stupidity I dislike in humans.

A Rant

I have a rant. I am completely bewildered as to why our media has such a love affair for Serena Williams.

I've been playing and watching tennis since the Old Folks decided that I needed an introduction to "polite" human society. (There were also ballroom dancing lessons, but that is another story.)

Two years ago at the US open, Serena threatened to kill a line judge. She did it in front of millions of people and was pretty clearly recorded. Then, last year, she bailed on the US open with, what I believe was, a totally fabricated excuse. She claimed she was injured from stepping on broken glass. . . but between the glass incident and bailing on the US open, she successfully played in an exhibition match, seemingly uninjured.

This weekend, I was dismayed to see how she reacted to winning the match that put her in the finals. She jumped around and pointed to the sky and acted as if this were her first time to make it to the big match. I dislike it when any player, who has a history of championships, acts as if beating a less experienced player is some kind of miracle. I think it's unsportsman like and undignified. Frickin' act like you've been there before.

Then, today, during her match she called out just as the opponent who was handily beating her was about to hit the ball. It was a clear noise violation, and according to the rules, was an automatic loss of the point. During the change over, Serena berated the chair umpire and demanded to know if she were the same umpire who "screwed" her last time, and then ran her mouth during the whole change over.

Thing is, the reaction from the folks covering the match were to excuse Serena's behavior and demonstrate a total lack of understanding of the rules.

Now, tonight, with a bit more distance from the ugliness, commenters are pointing out that she was, in fact, in violation of the rules, the chair umpire was right, and Serena's behavior afterwards was unacceptable. And, it is suddenly being recalled that Serena is still on USTA probation for the threats the last time she played the US open.

Serena isn't some doe-eyed teenager who got caught up in the moment of her first big tournament. She is a seasoned veteran who has been playing majors half her life. She is an adult. She knows better.

Frankly, she isn't good for the game. Perhaps now would be a good time for her to retire.

Over analysis

Most folks have seen the movement on facebook to get the producers of Sesame Street to marry off Bert and Ernie to each other. Their reasoning is that Bert and Ernie are living together and are besties, so they must also have a romantic relationship, too.

Frankly, as much as I believe that our secular government shouldn't be in the business of granting one civil right to a group of people they deny to others, I think that perhaps this movement to foist muppets into the political debate is wrong.

First of all, you can easily add married or unmarried same-gendered couples to the show through the human actors. Secondly, I think that perhaps we should encourage more female gendered characters in main spots before we start hitting up less common configurations. Think about it, how many commercially popular sesame street characters are female characters? The only ones I think of are Snuffy's baby sister (who rarely appears) and Prairie Dawn, who is a bit character at best and humanoid in form. Elmo, Snuffy, Big Bird, Oscar, Cookie, Grover, The Count, the two-headed monster . . . all of them are male.

Lastly, I'm thinking that making assumptions about the sex lives of muppets is as bad as the wing nuts who tried to label Tinky Winky "gay" because he's purple and carries a magic bag.

For Sesame Street's response, check out this article.

Backfire?

Men who think with their dicks must be terrified of women, at the root of it all.

Take for example the accused, former, IMF chair Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Here is a man with a long, public record of creepy, disrespectful, objectifying, over-sexed behavior towards women. However, his position and wealth has more or less allowed him to continue on his little life with few consequences for his actions.

Now, he's actually accused of a real crime. (This is not to say there haven't been other crimes, just now he's facing charges.) The person who made the accusation wasn't in his social or work circles, she wasn't his social equal. She was simply a woman trying to do her job when she got caught up in an international scandal. The victim is an immigrant, a housekeeper, a single mother, a few decades younger than him, and didn't even know who (or what) he was when their lives intersected.

Now, he is living in posh surroundings, has armed guards on the payroll, is enjoying a standard of living the hotel maid could never attain on her own (and, frankly neither could he, since his wife is footing the bills). His family posted $6 million dollars bail to land him in the posh penthouse prison. And, now, in light of media coverage of details that, if true, damn him pretty thoroughly, he's hired a "crisis team" complete with former CIA agents and PR experts.

I really really really hope his gross and lavish outlay of money in pursuit of "getting off" back fires for him in front of the jury. Everything about his current situation smacks of a level of monied audacity that I hope most people find revolting.

And, even though there is a huge difference between "not guilty" and "innocent" . . . I hope the jury is able to wade through his "team's" spin and resources to get to the heart of the matter.

And then, a bird crapped in her tea

I went to see a concert last night with an old friend. This friend is someone who knew me "when" and as another friend put it . . . lived to tell the tale. The performer was Joan Baez. Joan Baez was a favorite of the grad student. Apparently, hearing her songs over and over in the behavior lab made an impression, because I was surprised by how many songs I knew the words to or recognized.

The moment of levity from the evening was when an over head bird dropped crap and it landed with a sploosh in her tea. And, in her reaction, she commented that she knew people would write about the concert and the one thing we'd all focus on was that one moment.

Even better than the concert was the chance to catch up with a friend I've not seen in a life time . . . rather two lifetimes . . . those of his children.

And still, I'm always a bit amazed when humans I consider my contemporaries are actual, functioning adults. I have a sneaking suspicion it means I might be "grown up" too. shudder.

Spewing on Vick

So, the mega spin machines have been cranking in over drive since Vick signed with the Eagles. He's made the interview rounds, sharing intimacies over his own horror and revulsion over his actions. His coach has said there is self loathing. Everyone seems to be rallying to his side for that ever popular human phenomena . . . the second chance.

I know, ya'll have been waiting for my thoughts so that you might also have an opinion. (Someday, I will be my own media outlet and people will not form a thought until I have given it to them . . . and they will call me by my initials . . . TSB. . . I'll be a major "news" network.)

First, Vick didn't just commit one crime. There were a string of criminal activities. Aside from the profiteering and gambling and what have you . . . there was the "training" and the cruelty and the viciousness of the fights and the inhumane way animals were punished, killed, and disposed of over and over again. This was not an accident. This was an intentional, criminal undertaking. This was a series of actions that resulted in something horrifying.

The human justice system meted out a punishment for him . . . fines, loss of fortune, prison, etc.

But, now, he has the monumental task of proving himself. Not just as a football player, on the field, during games. But as a human. A person of talent and substance. That will take far more than a spin machine.

If, in five years time, Vick has used his abilities, his talents, and his fortune to become a shining example of humanity. . . then I will say that he deserved a second chance. He will need to be a leader within his team. He will need to prove his dedication as well as his talents. But, off the field, away from practice or the game I will expect to see him selecting his cohorts with more care. I will expect to see him staying away from situations that could lead to trouble. I will look to see him be a leader in serving his community . . . in both public and private ways.

When that becomes the lifestyle he adopts, then the second chance was deserved. But, if he tests positive for drugs or is involved in other violence or surrounds himself with people who think masculinity is defined by criminal or thuggish behavior . . . then I expect society to turn their backs on him and waste no more effort or resources on him.

Confession

I admit it . . . I'm a bit bewildered by the media froofawfaw over Micheal Jackson's death.

In full disclosure . . . I was a newly matriculating monkey when Thriller was at the top of the charts. I stayed up late one night so that I could watch the premiere of the Thriller video/mini movie. It was the music soundtrack of my young monkey days. But, aren't humans known by their impatience and short memories? What had he done lately?

I will say that in his younger days, he really was a talent. He also was, at one time, contributing more to our society . . . he was at the forefront of changing our social attitudes towards AIDS and people, especially children, with AIDS. He was involved more in social causes . . . but he was one of many.

I was pretty horrified by the accusations of child sexual abuse. I was incredulous over his interview with Diane Sawyer with then wife Lisa Marie. He seemed to not appreciate the real seriousness of the charges or accusations. He didn't seem to understand that, true or not, he needed to consider the appearance of impropriety in his future. And, I found Lisa Marie's maternal behavior towards him pretty telling. I found his repeated charges and his own statements to be pretty damning. And, like everyone else found his "evolving" appearance disturbing.

My summation of the person is that he must have been a self loather. I have sympathy . . . I read recently that he once quipped that he'd been raised as a "circus animal." I thought that statement showed remarkable insight as well as revealed tremendous pain.

But, I'm bewildered by the hype and hyperbole surrounding the impact he made on our society. I think the most extreme example was attributed to the mayor of Gary, Indiana who assured people that the Gary, IN memorial would be "befitting the prince of peace." Now, the term prince of peace was in lower case . . . but it does seem to be over stating it, no?

I'm also a bit confused about his ongoing health issues. It seems that not long ago, his attorneys were arguing that he was too ill to travel and sit through a civil lawsuit that had been filed. I believe that his attorneys were saying that his health was so fragile that he would possibly not live through the experience . . . which makes me wonder about this 50 date tour he was planning.

The long and short of it is, I think the media, the handlers, the promoters, etc are continuing to make money off him . . . even after he's dead.

Sad obsession

For some reason, I am fascinated by New Yorkers. And, I don't mean just humans who happen to live in New York City . . . I mean the monied, society set.

There, I've said it.

I wonder if it can be traced back to reading Edith Wharton as a young monkey. The fantasy world of social registers and hierarchies nearly as rigid as royal families captures my imagination.

I find their notions of value and money interesting. This business of fretting over essays for their toddler's pre-school applications and the revolving door of nannies is strange and captivating to me. The social parties . . . the judging folks by which home in the hamptons they rent each summer . . . or if they own a home in the hamptons. The money they spend on social pursuits. I just eat that stuff up.

I can't begin to imagine that I'd ever even want to function in that world . . . I have a hard enough time with small town society. (Despite being "delightful, damn it" I'm not the most social of monkeys.) I suspect that I'm taken in by the fact it does seem so surreal to me. Or, maybe it's because I'm in awe of the fact, as the Chick and I learned this winter, the wind doesn't blow on Park Avenue.

Whatever the source, I am fascinated . . . and a bit ashamed.

Holy Sperminator!

Clay Aiken is going to be a father? And not the traditional way? I'm astounded! One because it seems to confirm that which he spends soooooo much time denying. And two because the media seems to think this is news.

Does any one really care if Clay is gay or not? And, isn't giving your producer a baby just another form of payment? Just today I was talking to a woman who said that back in the day, her doctor grandfather took turnips, sweet potatoes, or a load of firewood as payment . . . one's first born isn't that much of a stretch, right?

However, I can report that I'm still maintaining my boycott of TMZ . . . I just have to work harder to find my celeb-gossip . . . like turn on the TV.

Movement

You wanna know how I know I'm maturing as a consumer of celebutard gossip?

Dr. Phil has replaced britney spears as the object of our office conversation titled "so, you think their career is finally over?"

Paying for it

The media is all a buzz with the story of the newly shamed Governor of NY. First off, having prosecuted prostitution rings, how did he think he WOULDN'T get caught? And, you'd think he'd be more than well aware of the laws governing these things.

Second, despite his insistence that this is a private matter, it isn't. If it were only a private matter, why call a press conference? The fact is, like it or not, he committed a criminal act in addition to destroying his personal credibility and violating the trust and relationship we assume he has with his wife and children.

Third, I am willing to believe that as a monkey I might not be doing "it" right, but I can't imagine paying anyone $4,300 for sex. I mean, whether you're doing it with your long time main squeeze or some random person you are paying . . . the biological function remains roughly the same, no? I'm thinking for that much money, the person you are paying is going to have to be able to stop the earth in it's rotation.

Lastly, following up on the third point, I can't imagine that there is any sex good enough to destroy my career, my family, my reputation over. I know, I know . . . wars have been started over love and sex. Which, frankly is foolish too. But, really, why spend so many years working so hard only to get it (excuse the pun, but I just can't help myself) blown away for what, a night or two of feeling like a very bad boy?

Overload

Today, as I checked TMZ for the 12th time, I thought to myself "maybe I should take a break from celebrity gossip."

You know I have addictions. Lots of them. I read several celebrity gossip blogs and websites everyday. Several times, everyday. It's a sad, sad state.

So, do I go cold turkey? or wean off? And how long do I take to wean off from a dozen TMZ hits a day?

I would say I need a hobby, but I really can't have another cat.

The real question is . . . .

I have admitted my addiction/fascination with celebrity gossip. Yeah, I immediately informed The Chick when her beloved Matt announced his upcoming daddyhood. And, I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I sometimes check TMZ several times a day.



Frankly, TMZ is part of the problem with the pap culture. I also think that any pap who flings themselves on the hood of a person's car or stands up against a car, popping off flashes in anyone's eyes deserves to be run over. The age old rule of the road is moron vs. car, car usually wins.



Anyway, TMZ seems to have the inside information about everyone. They know conversations that happen inside hospital hallways. They know who said what in the privacy of their own homes. They flash as unflattering picture as they can while printing up narrative that leaves you knowing exactly what they think of the person they are exposing.



So, my question is . . . why do people still talk to them? Today, the entire TMZ page is taken up with upto the second updates on Britney Spear's latest fall. They know who said what. They know who screamed at who. They have inside information from medical providers or attorneys. And, clearly they are getting this information somewhere. I don't think they are wholesale making it all up. So, given the level of annoyance they cause for individual "stars" and the exposure of people's worst moments . . . why does anyone speak to them?

15 minutes can't be that good, can it?

The Law of the Animal Behavior Lab

I would love to be able to say I know the "law of the jungle" but seeing as I've never been to the Jungle . . . . . . sigh.

Anyway, right after the whole pact to throw poo whenever possible, we lived by one other rule. Who ever smelt it, dealt it.

And, I'm thinking this is appropriate with the latest "brit brit" brew-ha-ha. The media is all over a story that she ran over some pap's foot the other night.

Now, I'll never be accused of being sympathetic to the brit brit. But, I am ever so slightly addicted to tmz and other celebu-gossip sites. One of the things I find rather disturbing is the sheer rudeness of the paps as they hound the more popular celebutards. You will see in the celebutard footage the paps surrounding cars, stretched out on car hoods, and all the while incessantly flashing lights directly into the eyes of the driver.

Frankly, I'm surprised more paps haven't been run over before now - and I would get behind defining creating such a hazard to drivers as against the law with fairly strict punishments. I know that if I had those camera flashes popping off in my face as I tried to drive - there would be blood on my tires and cheap polyester in my grill.

And, the fact that the media is just grinding away as if the brit brit is the one at fault - well, it sounds like they smelt it first.

Death of A Mime

The most famous of all mimes died this weekend. If not for the theater leanings of the Phenom, I might never notice such a passing. Of course, the Phenom detests mime as an "art" form. In fact, when ever we are in New Orleans - a town over run with mimes - the Phenom waxes on and on about wanting to tackle the mimes and demand to see their papers, a "mime vice" if you will.

However the Phenom feels about mime - it still is the passing of an artist recognized the world over. How many folks in face paint can claim that? How many humans, for that fact? Or monkeys?

Now, that we've shown some respect . . . can you believe that they authorities are just now figuring out that the Brit Brit doesn't actually have a driver's license?