I'm unfair and other people's brain farts

A) Problem Child Employee once screamed at me that I was unfair and inconsistent because I wouldn't let her take "make up" time off before she actually earned it.  It wasn't my rule, but that of the corporate overlords.  Plus, the "late" work obligation got cancelled and she would have had to taken leave time anyway.

However, this week I'm letting Newbie (haven't found a nickname for Problem Child's replacement yet) take a few hours of time off and then "earn it back" later.  I know, this proves that I'm unfair and inconsistent.  But, Newbie doesn't scream at me or throw tantrums or try to find every imaginable excuse to not do her job.  She comes early, leaves late, and doesn't give me lip.  I like her better, and she is rewarded accordingly.

B) I added another doctor to the list of those not worth my time.  The foot doctor.  I went along with the suggestion I wear athletic shoes all the time. I discovered that this is the limit of my vanity . . . ugly shoes.  Not that I was known for fashionable foot wear to begin with, but lace up shoes just offend my tender monkey sensibilities.  Today, he was mid lecture about how I should wear shoes ALL THE TIME.  I was telling him that it wasn't gonna happen.  My shoes come off as soon as I get home and he wasn't going to change that.  We'd previously discussed that my issues are arthritis related rather than injury related, and he switched mid-lecture and told me that I must wear shoes outdoors to "avoid this sort of puncture wound."

Um, what?

I told him that I wasn't here to be treated for a puncture wound and he just blinked at me.  After a couple of seconds he tried to cover with "I was just telling you should avoid them."  Right.  And, I'm done.

I think I'll go dig all my old shoes out now, too.

Rant, rant, rant, rant, rant . . .

My favorite line in the movie "Harvey" is something like " Mother always said there were two types of people in this world: those who are oh so kind and those who are oh so smart.  After 35 years, of being smart, I recommend pleasant."  

I'm trying, really, to be pleasant.  Although my current situation has me wanting to set the record straight with every fiber of my being.  

The other day, I was speaking to someone who has tangential power/knowledge of the work I do.  She was singing the praises of Problem Child, listing her positive attributes and I quietly said "no, she wasn't" and this person, who I've kept in the dark about the reality that was the nightmare of Problem Child, said "well, I'm sure she could say things about you."

OH DAMN I want to tell her EXACTLY why I would say that Problem child wasn't "wonderful" and "so very organized."  But, I'm also trying to tell myself to take the high ground.  That I survived the experience should be enough.  That it's petty at this point.  That I should be pleasant rather than right.

It is better to be pleasant than right?  Right? 

At least I know that the Old Woman would applaud me in my keeping quiet, thus far.  

Like a rubic's cube, only with people

I'm a problem solver.  I like to figure out what's wrong and fix it.  I like to know how things work, and how to put them back together.  The problem is, you can't do that with people.

I will never understand people.  From the humans who want to torture innocent animals to the people who I swear must stay up at night coming up with new ways to screw other humans over.

I need to learn that people cannot be figured out.  It would be nice to say "oh, this person is mean" and "that person uses drugs" or "she is grieving and deserves a bit of slack."  But the fact is, human behavior can't always fit into a box.  You'd think, with all the bat-shit crazy stuff I've seen, I would remember that. But, I don't.

Several years ago, we were guests at a dinner party.  It was lovely, everyone was having fun, dinner was delicious and the host accidentally dropped the perfect chocolate cake his wife had made.  She was calm and said we'd have ice cream and whipped up some chocolate sauce.  He later told me that he felt so terrible about dropping the cake, and she'd made it even worse by not yelling at him.

I wonder if that's what I have done wrong with Problem Child?  Rather than working past the many mistakes, I should have yelled at her?  Maybe yelling would have had an impact and she would have worked harder to not repeat the same mistakes over and over?

But, there were times I spoke to her using a harsh tone of voice . . . it didn't work because her inclination was to stomp and yell and be irrational.

I'll never quite wrap my brains around you people.  Yer all nuts.

Don't do the drama

I've been rolling my eyes since I was a young monkey.  I'm pretty sure the reason I spent half my adult life trying to talk to school kids about safe sex and good relationships was because my karmic reward for each and every time I rolled my eyes at the Old Woman was to find myself receiving the eye roll from a whole classroom of brats.

But, I never managed to do the "mean girl" thing or drama.  I'm a drama free sort of monkey.  I much prefer all the dramas that touch my life to be those of other people.  (I also cannot stand bickering. Ugh.)

Mean Girls are an interesting study of human behavior.  Their actions are wholly intentional, but they operate under the illusion of plausible deniability.  They believe they are being calculatedly vicious.  I have a friend who teachers middle grades who once told me that little boys are like gorillas . . . pounding their chests and making as much noise as possible to establish their position with their peers.  But, she said that little girls were like cats  . . . quietly grooming themselves when really they are looking to sharpen their claws across your face the minute they think they can get away with it.

So, today we're leaving work, all of us at the same time which is rare.  I'm holding the door for my co workers and say "have a good weekend."  One co worker returns the sentiment but Problem Child employee stays silent, gets to the parking lot and very pointedly looks at the other co worker and says "bye" in the most exaggeratedly sweet voice she could muster.

Really?  If you're still thinking that being a Mean Girl at 25 is the way to go through life, I hope you never have children.

Just a little bit pissed off right now

Disclaimer:  I've had three boozy rootbeers tonight . . . which seems to be enhancing my reactions.  I know, drunks always say booze makes them faster, stronger, better looking, great dancers . . . but for monkeys it is actually true.

Anyway, I was watching my facebook feed fill up with stories about the attacks in Paris with heart break.  Humans have such horrible ways of throwing tantrums.  I keep thinking y'all have hit the worst you could come up with and then you top it.

But, then I saw some of the tweets "conservatives" are putting out there.  Too many folks are trying to create some link between the black college students demanding to be safe in their homes with terrorist attacks half a world away.  

Funny.  Too often when white people say "I don't feel safe" they follow it with "So, goddamnit, I should be able to carry a gun with me any where I please and say any nasty horrible thing I can think up and by god it's my right."  But should a person of color or a woman say "I don't feel safe in my home or at my school or coming and going in my community" these same gun-toters say "shut the fuck up!" 

Some times I wish I believed in hell so I could be comforted in knowing that the sick bastards who would immediately twist the pain and agony of other people into some sick agenda only they understand were hell bound and I didn't need to worry my pretty little monkey head over them.

Common enemy

A co worker was telling me about a conversation she over heard (as in it was in a public place and the conversation took place two tables over from where she was eating lunch) the other day that involved prime examples of misogyny and rape culture.  And, the braggart was wearing a Nickelback tee-shirt.

I chimed in with a story from a trip to NOLA a few years ago.  A family seated themselves at a table next to ours at a patio bar.  It was parents and grown children and/or spouses.  The mother was already someone with a "fill up the room" personality.  She was loud and screeched and needed to be the center of attention . . . and then they bought her booze.

At some point in the evening, she joined together several straws, and then used the straws to reach across her table/our table and start drinking from my glass.  I SHIT YOU NOT! A total stranger created an extended straw to bogart my drink.  Her children were horrified (and bought me a new drink) and she and her family were invited to leave.

And, they were all wearing Nickelback tee-shirts.

Nickelback sucks.

Hadn't thought of it that way before

Retail chain, Target, has gone to a genderless toy section.  And, as one might expect in this world devoid of calm and rational response to ANYTHING, some people have absolutely lost what was left of their pea-brains.  They seem to think that without a giant, overhead sign, they won't know if the toy they are about to buy for their sister's 3 year old is for a boy 3 year old or a girl 3 year old.

Someone pointed out a handy, easy to use guide these people can keep in mind . . . or write on an index card and tuck behind their phones in that over-sized case . . . 

if the toy is designed to teach nurturing or development of life . . . it's for a girl

and

if the toy is designed to leave the child with a god-like control over life and death or cause destruction . . . it's for a boy.

Which is so messed up, you should probably go have a bit of a lie-down.

Denial kicking in

I don't know if I should be angry, confused, horrified, or making plans to move to a Scandinavian country.  The American humans seem to be enthralled by The Donald as a presidential candidate.  Originally, I think most folks thought this was some fringe effort on his part, and soon another candidate would emerge and he'd be forgotten.  But, the media seems to be fanning the flames and the other candidates seem to not know exactly how to respond to this wack job's antics.

So much of his rhetoric makes me wonder if he's not pulling the greatest troll job ever.  A few weeks ago, the Phenom and I had this semi-serious conversation based on the scenario that The Donald manages to be elected President and then when he realizes the financial hit and responsibilities/restrictions the position imposes, refuses to take the oath of office and what sort of constitutional crisis would that create?

Last night, a friend and I played a game of "what could The Donald have to do to get the majority of the American public to turn against him?"

She suggested burning a flag and a bible inside a church.  My suggestion was him being caught on a hot mike scheming to sell this "effin' country" to the Chinese and make billions and billions of dollars on these rubes"  . . . and of course we had several sexual and violent suggestions.  But, in the end, we were dismayed to admit that in all of our imagination, we could not come up with a scene in which he would lose ALL support . . . some asshat out there would still be a fan boy/girl.

Sigh.

RIP Cookie

I've written about my being shunned from the SMLF.  Then, the ringleader of the shunning did the modern day version of the 7th grade girl freeze-out; she "unfriended" me on social media (and then unfriended me and my office from her office's social media . . . damned unprofessional.)

I will admit, monkeys harbor ill feelings a long time before we're finally able to move on.  And, although my brain tells me that I was a better friend to the ringleader than she EVER was to me and that her deciding we can't even be civil to each other isn't actually a loss . . . I am annoyed that not a single other member of the SMLF has said a single word to me.  It's weird.  Freeze out has been complete.

Being that I like to gaze upon my own navel for hours upon hours, I want to think that they are all just so busy and wrapped up in their lives that they haven't noticed.  Which actually doesn't say much about our friendships in the first place, eh?  I am willing to entertain the notion that they are as perplexed by the turn of events as I am and don't quite know if they've done something to offend me.  But, I reject that theory because ESK, surely, would have either set them straight or said something to me if they'd inquired to her.

Nope, the sad resignation is that I was rejected, shunned, burned, frozen-out, given the boot.

And, this week I realize how complete that boot giving is because the camp that I have been camp cook for over the last several years is happening this week, and I was not invited back to be 'Cookie."
It was volunteer work I truly enjoyed, and am sad to be forced to give up.  And, a bit angry.  You really don't want to make a monkey angry.  As much self control as I frequently exhibit, monkeys are pretty unpredictable and likely to allow nasty quips and sarcasm to take over.  And, there is that who harboring hurts thing.  You think elephants never forget . . . they got nuthin' on monkeys.

The down side.

One of the down sides of social media is being exposed to the stupidity that is floating around in the world.  If not for social media, I could acknowledge that such existed, but not actually have to see it.

The shooting in Charleston has brought out some truly stupid crap in my facebook feed. One person had been dropped a couple of years ago because he decided he need to pick a fight with me over guns.  Tonight, he popped up on my company's facebook just to be a jerk.  I know him well enough to know that he just wanted to incite a fight.  He'd posted several "pro gun" bits/responses to the Charleston shooting, and then turned his sights on our page.  His desire to pick a fight just resulted in his irrelevant comment being deleted.  Sadly, our policies prevent us from blocking him from our feed . . . yet.

Then, on my personal page, someone's totally ignorant screed about the confederate flag got her unfriended.  If EVEN Lindsey Graham and Mitt Romney have realized that there are no points to be scored by continuing to cling to the "stars and bars" . . . then shouldn't the morons of the planet follow?

Sheesh.

Aw, you poked a sleeping bear

On January 26, I wrote about this bizarre medical issue that will require some rather extensive surgery to correct.  Well, I wrote about it about 2 weeks after it first occurred.  AND I STILL HAVE NOT HAD THE SURGERY.

The surgery is scheduled for next week.  It would not be scheduled already if I had not gone full monkey whine on the doctor's nurse.

I spent 3 weeks calling, nearly daily, the doctors (as I was instructed to do upon discharge from the hospital) to get an appointment.  Then, the weather got my appointment cancelled.  That's when I went full monkey whine on the nurse.  (Until that point, she treated me like some crazy person who was demanding surgery and I wasn't even a patient.)  She, to shut me up, promised to email the doctor (notice, even his nurse has to email him for information about patients) and see if there were any truth to my claims.  AND LO!  The doctor confirmed that not only am I patient, but yeah, schedule that surgery.

I have my first of two pre-op appointments tomorrow.  The second is because another surgeon from another practice will be assisting in fixing my monkeyness.

While the doctor has been seeing other patients and lolling around in the snow, I've been growing more and more annoyed.  I am pretty twerked up for this appointment.  I have questions written out.  (Another fun wrinkle is that they have told me the time and date of the surgery, but nothing else.  Can we say power and control issues?)  I am in no mood for bullshit.

At this point, I almost feel sorry for the doctor . . . not really.

Deleted

I deleted the last post.  It was heartfelt.  It reflected on one of the greatest sorrows I've ever experienced and how my life is forever changed as a result.

But I deleted it because it prompted a response that was unwelcome, and thoughtless and a little bit cruel.

Never underestimate the ability of some people to make another person's pain all about them.  I forgot about that, silly me.

Oh that pesky 1st Amendment

First off, let us remind ourselves of what the constitution ACTUALLY SAYS.  Read here.  And, of course every good rule has exceptions, and you can read them here.

The issue that probably rankles me the most is this whole religion thing.  The first amendment specifically prohibits laws that establish a state religion.  That's why we are NOT a "christian" nation.  Yes, we have lots of christian people in our nation, but the nation is not specifically christian.  And, we have a whole lot of folks in this nation who are both religious and NOT CHRISTIAN.  That is their right.  Also, the amendment can not impede YOU from practicing YOUR religion . . . so long as your practice does not violate the social order (like human sacrifice.)  However, this does not give you license to IMPOSE your religious practices on others as a matter of LAW.  If you want to pray before taking a test in math class . . . GREAT.  You can not create a law/policy forcing everyone in the room to say YOUR prayer before math tests.  You can choose not to utilize the birth control benefit offered by your health insurance but you cannot, on religious grounds, demand that a law is made prohibiting other folks from utilizing that benefit in accordance to their belief system.

Also, say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays all you want.  But stop getting so pissy if someone doesn't say your preferred generic greeting back to you.

Which leads us to freedom of speech.  This freedom means you can say things the government might not like, and they can't arrest you (with some exceptions . . . pretty much, child porn is not a freedom of speech issue).  It does not mean you can say any foul, hateful, nasty, bigoted, backasswards thing that comes into your brain with NO SOCIAL RAMIFICATIONS.  If you think it is just Hill-air-ious to post an old "negros not welcome" sign in your place of business . . . I totally have the right to refuse to enter your business and tell others why I refuse to utilize your business.  If you are a corporate bully and try to use your millions of dollars to shut down a small business man, I can tell anyone I want why I don't eat "the jesus chicken."

If what you say loses business for your employer . . . your employer can fire you.  If you incite violence with your speech, you can be arrested or sued.  Freedom of Speech is not freedom of stupidity.

That is all.

I don't really do the hashtag thing . . .

but

#headdesk #headdesk #headdesk

I can't really speak to why the need for my head to crash into my desk, yet at least.  But, now that I'm good and woozy, I'm going to go swig Jack Daniels from the bottle.

Mayo Sandwiches

When I was very young, I recall the Old Woman bringing home a book from the library called the "White Trash Cookbook."  It had been featured on her morning news show, and she was curious.  She was fascinated, in a repulsed sort of way, by a recipe for a 'mayonnaise sandwich.'  It was wonder bread, "balloon bread" as the Old Woman called it,  and mayonnaise.

I thought of this when I read this article about yet another attempt at making some overblown and misguided statement about race and equality.

Many colleges have Persian Student Clubs or Latino Clubs or Atheist Clubs.  These students usually come together because they share a deeply personal but connected history or viewpoint.  Often these groups will highlight their school year with some organized way of sharing their culture with other members of the community.  Music/dance festivals or food tastings or film nights.  It's an opportunity for people to not only feel less marginalized for a short while, but also to help people outside their culture understand their dress, values, foods, etc better.

So, a White Student Union.  Pretty broad.  Just as Latinos will tell you . . . not every Spanish speaking person is the same, culturally.  The same holds for white folks.  There are immigrant white folks.  There are white folks who experienced poverty.  If a White Student Union were to have an event to share their culture with others, what would that look like?  I mean, other than mayo sandwiches?

Into the Fray

So, um, Paula Deen.  Yeah.

I read this article.  And then I read an article about the on-stage interview she gave in the fall of 2012 in which she claimed that slaves were "like" family and then called out one of her employees to demonstrate to the audience that he was so dark skinned he would be invisible against the black backdrop of the stage. 

Now, I will admit, I didn't like Ms Deen anyway.  She represents a stereotype of southern woman hood that I just can't stomach.  She's loud, and uncouth, and seems to revel in being ignorant.  (Remember that just terrible country-bumpkin-gone-to-town special of her and her husband gaping their way through London?) 

When I read the NPR article, I thought that the most generous interpretation was that she really is dumb and clueless.  Sadly, I think that it probably more a matter of she's dumb and simply doesn't much care about the "little people." 

I think much attention has been given to the tangible evidence of her racism . . . the 40 plus year old admitting to using the "n word."  But, if you read more, you see that racism is deeply ingrained in her belief system.  And, that she doesn't much care to address this in herself.  That offense is someone else's problem.

But more problematic than the overt or more subtle racism is the sexual harassment side of the law suit.  Sexual harassment is based on the interpretation of the victim, not the intent of the perpetrator.

Addressing that side of the law suit, Paula seems to have totally bought into the idea that men are incapable of controlling their animal instincts and that women must simply learn to accommodate this weakness in the men they work for/with/around.

Here's the thing . . . Paula Deen is a functioning, competent adult.  As such, she has the very basic, human responsibility to be aware of how her actions are interpreted by the people around her.  She has the responsibility, as a person, to not cause harm intentionally or accidentally.  And, when harm is discovered, apologize and offend no more.  Because she's human . . . not because she's going to lose her job hawking Smithfield hams.

Watch and learn.

Let this be a warning.

DUCK!

Monkeys are funny critters.  We truckle along, minding our own business, eating bugs from other monkeys' fur, and mostly trying to just get along.  But, you should never, ever, forget our uncanny accuracy for flinging poo when aroused.

The vast majority of time, the student interns we take on in the office are lovely, hard-working humans who clearly understand that sucking up will get them far.  But, every rule has its exception.

We had Bad Intern this semester.  Truthfully, we should have sent her packing at the very start of the semester.  But, she came to us from a program we work with often, and her professor vouched for her.  But, when she couldn't be available for an interview, we should have known this would be more trouble than it was worth.  Later, when she blew off her training/orientation TWICE, we should have said "beat it."  When she showed up an hour and a half late to her third scheduled training/orientation, we should have turned off the lights and locked the doors.

We tried to work with her, even when it became clear we could not assign her to the usual internship type activities.  We constantly were moving her deadlines back or scaling back what we asked for from her.  When she insisted that she only owned torn-up, skin-tight jeans, we should have just told her to cut her losses.

Two weeks ago, when she showed up 10 minutes before quitting time and pulled a head-bobbing attitude with me, I told her to pack it in.  I sat down with the relevant staffers, and we filled out her evaluation form, trying to be honest and fair.

This week, she thought she could do an end-run around my evaluation and ask one of the other employees to fill one out for her.  (She seems to believe this employee was her "pal.")  The employee independently filled out the evaluation form, and not surprisingly, her rankings were identical to those the rest of the staff settled upon.  But, then, in a stroke of genius, this staffer wrote a long narrative giving full explanation for the ratings.  She detailed the many absences or tardy appearances.  She included specifics about refusing to incorporate guidance from others, about poorly written work (including wholly invented words), and oft reduced expectations.

Silly intern, you should have just walked away quietly, rather than think you could manipulate us.  OH, and you've got some stuff in your hair you might want to wash out.  And, to think, this time it wasn't me with the spot on poo fling.

Delightful reconsidered

So, like, there is the possibility (slim) that perhaps I'm not as delightful as I think I am.  Rocks my little world!

I admit, I stepped into a battle I probably could have just stayed out of and stewed over quietly.  But, I find that quiet stewing leads to resentments and grudges. . . and that's not delightful, damnit.

Last night, a facebook acquaintance had a complete melt down over how much he hates living in the south.  He characterized southerners, as a whole, as bigots and racists and stupid.  And, truthfully, who amongst us hasn't shaken our heads from time to time over the stupidity surrounding us?  But, I think the viciousness with which he attacked, and his continued comments just rubbed me the wrong way.

I slept on it, and this morning, I still felt the same way.  And, to illuminate my discomfort over his rant, another friend (an artist living in NYC) posted that his boss sent all of the employees home last night with the admonishment that they should stay indoors because the "black people are going to riot when Obama loses." 

I sent the Mr. Melt-down a private message (see, that was sensitive of me) to say that I found his blanket statements about southerners offensive and offered him the example of my artist friend's boss to demonstrate that racism and stupidity exist everywhere. 

Mr. Melt-down responded by saying "I don't like you.  Don't ever contact me again.  This doesn't change my opinion about the south, it is a horrible place!"

Frankly, this response was unexpected.  Honestly, and I don't know why, I expected some sort of half acknowledgement that perhaps not every living soul in the south is a racist and a bigot.  Not that I care if he likes me or not.  He just didn't play into the script I expected. 

However, I do believe that I wasn't entirely wrong to express my feelings in the manner in which I did . . . privately, respectfully, and without attacking him personally.  I guess when I become the Evil Monkey Overlord, I know who will be on latrine duty.

Random stuff from the week

It has been a long week, and I am exhausted.  But! (and it's a big butt . . . pa-dum-dum) I have gotten some sleep.  I went to bed insanely early, was asleep before 10pm and had 4 hours, followed by 3 hours, followed by another hour and a half of decent sleep.  Now, of course, all I want to do is sleep.

I had a breakfast meeting this week.  When my breakfast partner asked me that general question "how have you been?" I found myself saying "I've been good" pretty automatically . . . and then spent the next day and a half navel gazing over the statement.  At the time, I thought I was just giving a very superficial answer to someone who really doesn't need to know I've been a wreck.  There was also some guilt in saying "good" when clearly it's too early to be good, right?

We hired a new person to work in my office.  I'm excited over the hire.  Although, I totally plan to tell people she was a "diversity" hire . . . she's tall.  Just think of all that we can accomplish now that we have a tall person working with us.  A whole new world, I tell you.

Tomorrow, several of my peeps and I are going to step into the fray.  The asshats from the Westboro Baptist Church will be protesting the funeral of a fallen soldier in our area.  This particular case touches me because a) it's on or near my "turf" b) it is a female soldier and c) she is survived by her spouse "she".  I imagine that her career in the military has been hard enough, being a girl who likes girls, I hate to think of her death as being the spark for added hatefulness.  We are joining a group who are organizing a human wall between where the WBC wackos are going to be and the church where the funeral is being held.  It is the right thing to do.  And, I think that people who are mourning the loss, will appreciate that their loss brought out so many people who are caring and compassionate.

And, I bought the makings for French 75 drinkies.  It will be a pleasant weekend, even if it isn't in NOLA.