Tuesday, November 27, 2012


True story: several years ago, my SMLF pals decided we should open a craft store and call it "Faux Shizzle."  Because white peeps instantly think they are hip and cool if they adopt Snoop Dogg speak.

Today, I found gizoogle.  On the site, which is dedicated to helping folks translate Snoop Dogg speak, they have a site translator.  Yes! You can translate your favorite (or least favorite but oft visited due to various obligations) site into Snoop Dogg.

Of course, I tried this site.  And, was happy to see that my previous post "Dear Mr. Romney" was far superior in Snoop Dogg.  See. . . .

Every morning, I check mah "lyrics wit playas" game n' "facebook" while, um, attendin ta mornin needs. This morning, I saw a rap posted on FB dat elaborated on Mista Muthafuckin Romneyz recent commentz bout tha "gifts" Obizzay gave ta non-white n' lil' votas ta "buy" tha erection. Dude holla'd dat Obizzay gave up "free constipation" which was ghettofab wit lil' college aged dem hoes.

Then, I realized dat like Mista Muthafuckin Romney has never been up in tha posizzle ta know anythang bout contraceptives. Dude be a playa up in his 60s, n' mormon, hooked up lil' n' had only sons. Perhaps he never had ta learn tha mo' delicate details of, yo ass know, "down there."

First off, it aint "free" constipation . . . itz no co-pay constipation. That means tha "college aged women" whoz ass benefit from dis "gift" is either covered by school based and they muthafathas' insurizzle. So, game insurizzle g-unitz (you know, g-unitz yo ass probably have some investment in) benefit from no co-pay contraceptives. Even if they pay up mo' fo' tha prescription coverage, tha premiums is priced such dat tha g-unitz (and shareholdaz . . . yo ass know bout shareholdas, don't yo ass Mista Muthafuckin Romney?) cook up a profit.

But, yo ass know whoz ass else benefitz from no co-pay contraceptives? Young men. These days, lil' pimps is bombarded by a culture dat drops some lyrics ta em they need ta bust a nut on as nuff dem hoes as possible up in order ta be thought "manly." While they is hittin dat shizzle all up in becomin mature enough ta ignore these cultural lyrics, they surely aren't locked n loaded ta become muthafathas. But, not just lil' pimps benefit from no co-pay contraceptives . . . so do full grown adult men, hooked up n' not. And, lookin around tha shizzle these days, it would step tha fuck up dat gangstas whoz ass is screwin around outside they marriages, also benefit from no co-pay contraceptives.

Not just lil' pimps n' women, n' adult pimps share up in dis benefit. But, also hooked up couples. Hooked Up couplez whoz ass understand dat plannin they crews will help give em opportunitizzles ta give they lil pimps tha upbrangin they want fo' they children. Not havin ta pay dat $30 - $50 a month fo' pizzlez means mo' scrilla ta pay fo' yo' sonz trumpet and fill up tha mini-van fo' yo' daughterz bizzle crew tournaments. Additionizzlely, dem hoes whoz ass have just given birth benefit from no co-pay contraceptives cuz they understand dat spacin up they pregnancies is mo' betta fo' they game n' tha game of future babies.

So, Mista Muthafuckin Romney, fuckin shitloadz n' fuckin shitloadz of gangstas benefit from tha "gift" of no co-pay contraceptives. Which might explain why yo ass lost mo' than just tha lil' womens' vote.

Don't you love it too?  Of course, as far as Romney is concerned, this might as well be Korean.

No comments: