Thursday, May 22, 2014

Phenomena? Confession?

I generally consider myself a highly functioning monkey/human.  I possess all the basic skills for taking care of myself/others.  I can do basic repairs to clothes.  I can cook meals. I can check the oil in my car.  I can instruct others in basic life skills.  I also have higher order skills like reasoning, creating objects that are useful/pretty, and reading maps/navigating large cities.

Since this, months long, medical adventure, I've found myself facing an interesting phenomena.  I can only describe it as a semi return to infancy.  And, I can't say I hate it.  I'm not actively seeking it out, but I have enjoyed it at the same time.  By return to infancy, I mean allowing others to care for me.

This goes beyond the necessity of nurses changing my dressings or Phenom bringing me food when I can't get out of bed.  I think I've spent so many years trying to blend in, go unnoticed as much as possible, it has been a nice reminder of my place on the planet when people have gone out of their way to show concern.

There have been flowers, phone calls, care packages, sweet notes, and cheering of milestones in recovery.

I think those years in a cage in the behavioral sciences lab made me forget what it feels like to be mothered/cared for on that level.

Not that I'd ever consider repeating any part of this "adventure"  . . . but I do appreciate the many ways my fellow humans have gone out of their way to remind me that I have a place in their lives, that I matter.

Thanks, Ya'll.

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