A funny relationship

Only a few humans (and monkeys) like pain.  Oh sure, there is drama pain . . . too many humans go seeking that sort of pain out.  But I'm talking OW pain.

I'm a craven coward.  I assume everything is going to hurt.  And, when you hurt me, I'm afraid I may, involuntarily, kick you in the shins.

When I had to learn how to give my self shots, I asked to have an appointment with the health educator because I knew if it were up to me to stab myself the first time. . . we'd still be waiting.  (Only my super macho ego outweighs my cowardice.)

When they removed my PIC line in the hospital, first thing I asked was "how much is it going to hurt?"  (It was a little creepy to feel the wire coming out from my chest through my arm, but didn't so much hurt.)  When they took out the cumbersome, painful, and terribly annoying medical device the other day . . . even though I was THRILLED to be parted with it, I hesitated because I thought it would hurt.  (Apparently, I'd long since ripped the anchoring stitches and it pulled out super easy.  If I'd known it would come out so easily, I would have gotten rid of it a long time ago and just been all like "the what?" when they asked about it.)

So, of course, I'm concerned about pain and pain management with this upcoming surgery.  I've already discussed my options for pain management with the doctor . . . and expressed my preference for having as much control as possible.

The doctor says they want to keep my pain in the "2-5" range on a 10 point scale.  Thing is, I am lousy at expressing my pain on that scale.  There are different kinds of pain.  I have a terrible time deciding if something is the most pain I've ever experienced .  .  . or could there have been something more painful I don't remember?  Also, I've been on pain meds for arthritis for years, and I have come to realize that I don't experience pain the same way humans must.

Last time, in the hospital, they kept offering me drugs and I kept turning them down because my usual meds took me from being "in pain" to "just uncomfortable" and I didn't see the point of taking more drugs for "just uncomfortable."  Apparently, humans never turn down drugs.

To assist in expressing my needs to the medical staff, I have made up a handout from Hyperbole and A Half's Better Pain Scale.  I've made up extra copies because I assume the nurses may want to keep it.  And, given the mean, horrible things they plan to do to me, I totally expect to accept all drugs.