Saturday, July 06, 2013

Testing Me

I am a non-violent, peace-loving monkey.  But lately, I've been harboring fantasies of harm befalling another member of the animal kingdom.

It looks like this:

A critter that looks like this thing lives next door to me.  AND. IT. BARKS. ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME.

Not the barks of a lonely, sad, neglected dog.  Because I would understand that.  Not the barks of a creature whose owners are total dicks.  Because that's true.  Not the traumatized because the first month it lived in that house, every morning at 6 am, when its owners would let it out to pee, they'd forget to turn off their damn house alarm and everyone in the neighborhood woke up with bleeding ears and now the dog associates peeing with bleeding from the ears.  Because I'd be willing to pay for doggie prozac for it.

This dog does the angry, I want you to die, bark growl . . . every single time we open our door, walk to the mail box, walk to our cars, sit in our yard . . .and it has gotten old.

Even Chester totally ignores this thing.  In fact, Chester rarely even wanders over to that side of the yard anymore.

I wonder if I could create a hole in the fence . . . perhaps encourage it to run away?  Maybe they make some sonic device that I could blast that could silence the dog but humans wouldn't hear?  Squirt gun with pickle juice in it?  Dog-nap it and drop it off in the country?  One of those Hannibal Lecter masks?

No comments: