2012 sucked. It sucked big time.
It started with all sorts of mean, nasty medical shit that really was most unnecessary. If those bastards had gotten the meds right the first time, we wouldn't have had escalation.
One of my oldest and dearest friends in the world died suddenly, leaving two little boys who will now face becoming men without one of the finest men I know as a role model. Selfishly, I am left without one of my favorite sounding boards . . . a person I could trust to be honest with me, but also funny and sensitive and full of high expectations for me.
There was the final decline/drama that culminated in the death of the Old Woman. Although her decline had been coming along for 3 years, I didn't have the time to mourn while dealing with the details of needs. The push to take care over took the numerating of what was being lost. And, while her death actually was something of a relief, to know she wasn't suffering anymore, it also meant that the full realization of just how important she still is to my daily existence hit all at once.
Perhaps it is better to have little impact on your family and friends, so that they aren't left with oceans of grief when you're gone. Perhaps people who alienate their children . . . who destroy their personal relationships . . . who behave in ways that befuddle their co-workers are actually doing everyone a favor. They can slip away and life goes along with just a blip.
Did I mention that 2012 left me in a pretty dark place? yeah.
But, still, I realize how lucky I am. I could have been thrown away as a young monkey. Instead, I had a small army of humans who saw to it that I arrived at the very comfortable place I find myself today. I have a comfortable home. I have dear friends. I have plenty of everything.
So, along with the annual resolution to lessen the booze stash in my home, I will work to be in a foul temper less often as well. You'd think the two would go together, eh?