Friday, December 30, 2011


I'll confess something I bet you didn't know about me.  I tend to obsess.  I like to be generous with myself and say that it's my control-freak nature that likes my life to be neat and orderly.  (I said my life. . . not my home.)   I am just arrogant enough to think that I'm smart enough that I can reason through pretty much any difficulty I have in life.  Or, smart enough to know when to ask for help.  (Sadly, I'm also pretty stubborn and even when I know I ought to ask for help, I'm still likely to wait long past when it would have been most helpful to make such requests.)  The thing is, as much as I hate it, much of life cannot be reasoned out.  No amount of thinking or manipulating or pouting can make the universe bend to your will. 

I think the less generous characterization is that I hold a grudge like no body's business and I whine, a lot.

The last couple of years have been difficult, and largely beyond my control.  Sigh, lovely control.

But, at the same time, there have been real bright spots.  And, more often than not, I am reminded that I have some really wonderful friends.  People who will jump up to offer help.  Humans who have tolerated my whining.  People who are polite enough to act like they are laughing with me, rather than at me.  Folks who have been more than generous with me. 

I do appreciate it.  And, I will try, in the coming year, to focus more on what I have than what I cannot control.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

the great thing about grudges is that you can always let them go....if you want to