Cheating the System

I know I've had way too many hours gazing upon my own navel in this blog about new year's resolutions. In theory, I like the whole notion of resolutions. Isn't it a totally human characteristic to want to constantly improve oneself? Isn't constant reevaluation and insight the path to nirvana?

But, I'm a monkey . . . and besides already being pretty near animal perfection . . . I'm also essentially lazy. (Truth be told, my insistence that I'm already pretty near perfection is really just a dodge to cover my laziness. Oh, the shame.)

But, having adopted too many human ways, I also feel this urge to improve upon myself. Perhaps pass more convincingly as human. Become more perfect in my mimicry.

So, you see the struggle . . . laziness versus achievement.

In the past, I've adopted resolutions that were nonsensical and if they weren't achieved, no tragedy would befall critter or human. Like the several years I vowed to have a HOT krispy kreme.

I honestly can't remember what I resolved to do for 2007. I would like to say I resolved to be more thrifty with food and waste less of it. Mainly, because this year I managed the whole "freezing portions for future use" technique better than in the past. Frankly, this keen little trick has not only saved money and wasted less of the planet's resources . . . but meant that there were ready meals of a higher nutritional and taste quality than one would get from ham sandwiches or frozen white castle burgers. (Ironically, despite the GOOD food at easy prep . . . we have also consumed more nuked white castles than ever before. I think they put something in them that makes them addictive.)

The other day, at lunch with some friends . . . I brought up the notion of 2008 resolutions when I was abruptly chastised. My friend Magnolia actually waggled her finger at me and harshly reminded me of my declarations last year. She said "You said to me, Magnolia, I don't believe in resolutions because they are always impossible to achieve and thus are always broken."

Obviously, my laziness was winning out last year. But, I'm feeling the need to achieve at the moment. I added an addendum to last year's statement. That resolutions should be just vague enough that any effort whatsoever can fulfill them.

So, this year, I resolve to walk the dog more. See how clever? I say "MORE" not "once a day or three times a week."

Look for me walking the dog on Jan 2 or 3 . . . it might be the only time you catch it.