Looking for a nice sandy spot

I listened to the news during morning rounds and into the office this morning. Now, I feel the need to immerse myself in some good juicy celebutard gossip to get the news out of my brain.

You all know that I'm well informed - even for a monkey with little else to do but absorb the popular media. I just find the news so blasted depressing. Partisan finger pointing, countless lives ruined by war, selfishness running amok. I'm thinking I need a nice sandy spot to bury my head. Why can't tom cruise jump around on Larry King's show insisting that he is a medical professional and that reading the instruction manual for the "baby-viewer 2000" totally qualifies him to perform medical tests. Afterall, he owns his soon-to-be wife and child, doesn't he?

As I wandered, shell-shocked, into the P.O., I thought, you know -- the only reason why we care about this Abrahamoff (what ever his name is) deal is that it forces us to acknowledge the dirty secret of politics and humanity. We are all selfish. (Yes, even monkeys display often shocking levels of self-interest.) We like to think that because this country has been operating under "democracy" for a while now, at least long enough for us to think we have the right to impose it on others whether they want it or not, that we are better than to let something as petty as money derail our good intentions. The fact of the matter is that there is little in this world that doesn't, on some level, spell one reward or another for those who think it up. You think Michael Jackson is releasing his Katrina Song out of perfect altruism? No, he wants to recapture some good press and possibly relive the heyday of "we are the world."

Not that I think self-interest is necessarily wrong. I just think we ought to admit that it controls or directs pretty much everything and get over ourselves.

That being said, did you hear that Nick (of nick and jessica fame) is suing for spousal support? I guess banking on being in a boy band that lasts more than a few years was a bad career choice.