Our local college held graduations over the weekend. Several of our interns managed to graduate, a few didn't. Now that the school year is over, I will be doling out some Old Woman Lectures.
The Old Woman could lecture with the best of them. She could hold onto a lecture for weeks . . . and even call up old lectures years later if she found them still relevant. Or, even if they weren't relevant but contained some good lines.
First, to the annoying intern who, although she was a graduate student, managed to accomplish less than our undergraduate interns. Grow up. Stop acting like you know what you're doing just because you married a dude 10 years older than you are . . . frankly the fact the relationship started when you were 16 and he was in his mid 20s is creepy and you should stop telling people that part.
To the talented writer who is "out" to everyone but her family. You are lovely. You are talented. Please, don't let booze become your closet.
To bad intern . . . I know this will come as a surprise to you . . . but I promise you that someday you'll have an employer who will make me look like a kindergarten teacher. Trust me.
To the sorority girl, I still can't wrap my brain around putting eggs in the crock pot over night so you can have a fast breakfast. Seriously, it takes like 3 minutes to scramble eggs.