I admit it. I am a control freak. I like to know what's coming next, my role, and what to expect. I like to be the one navigating the car. I like to be the one in charge of the plans. It's just how I am. It's one of the reasons I need regular trips to NOLA, so that I can unwind and let go some.
This past week, although I've stopped grinding my teeth every night, I'm still pretty aware of physically holding my shit together. I'm pretty sure that if I start crying, I might not stop.
But, it also occurs to me that my next good drunk may be a really ugly one. I need to get it out of the way sooner rather than later. Later, I'm likely to have an audience and I don't do public displays of the more intense emotions.
Such a complicated little existence for a little monkey.