You can put a pig in a tutu

But it's still a pig.

Consider the scene this morning. We have friends who have invited us to their lake house for a party. So, we take Chester to the vet to board for the weekend. (Chester loves the vet. I think he likes being there more than in our home . . . something about being spoiled rotten and all you can eat treats.) I am usually very careful to park in a space that has an empty space on the passenger side. This way, I don't have to worry about dinging a car while getting Chester out. (We seatbelt Chester in because it is safer and because he'd try to take the wheel if we didn't.) I pull into a space. There are only two cars in the entire lot. As I'm getting out of the car, this woman comes flying into the lot, on her cell phone, and parks next to me on the passenger side. She has a large dog in the back seat.

Chester works hard to remain an only dog. He has that whole male protective thing going and is generally unfriendly to all dogs unless they are little poofy things that hardly count as dogs. So, I stand at the back of my car to allow this rude human to get her dog into the vet's office before I try to release Chester. I know my dog. I control my dog. Oh, if only others did too.

Anyway, as she slams open her car door, she's screeching at the top of her lungs "mommy has to pee . . . I don't know if we can get in without mommy peeing first" . . . and I realize she's talking to the dog. As I stand there, waiting for her . . . she looks up and says "what? you have a look on your face." She was at least 15 years older than me, so the teenager reaction was a tad weird. I patiently say "go ahead" . . . and she gets her dog out of her car, kicks her door closed, and continues talking really loudly to the dog. As I enter the vet, giving her plenty of lead time, I hear her saying from the hallway where the exam rooms are "Leonard, go with the pretty girl . . . you like pretty girls Leonard . . . Mommy has to pee."

I think even Chester realized what a fool this woman was, because comepletely out of character, he sat down at my feet and was exceptionally well behaved.