Hope and Weakness

I read somewhere that one of the worst things a parent can do is give up hope for their child. This is seen as a weakness on the part of the parent. I like to imagine it as the invisible force field of protection parents can offer children . . . they may not be able to protect them from all hurts, but they can always hold out hope that better times will come. As a monkey with a rather unusual life journey, this notion speaks to me. My mother may not have been able to teach me the ways of the jungle, but somewhere in her monkey brain, she always wanted the best for me.

I can’t help but think this notion extends to the humans/critters we choose to love as well. I have a friend who is in that terrible limbo of not knowing if her marriage will survive. There are days when her husband’s behavior seems to indicate that he is committed to the relationship and then there are others when she wonders why she bothers. I have to think that she is still holding onto hope that better days are coming. I think she wants to see that her hope and beliefs aren’t things of fantasy.

I, myself, am feeling the sting of having given up hope on a loved one. This particular human was a friend for many, many years and through many changes in both our lives. But, actions and words have transpired that have made me redefine my understanding of my loved one. As for my part, since all relationships are functions of reciprocity, I tried to force my loved one to stay the way I wanted her to be. I had only good and positive attributes assigned to her. I thought her smart and giving and clever and generous and decent . . . as I define them. As for her part, well, the less said, the better for everyone, I suppose. It just wasn’t pretty and, as I said, made me rethink how I thought of her.

But, now, the dust has settled. I still can’t think of her without being mad. I have tried to give that up, but it seems to be sticking. I have days, like my other friend, when I wonder if I should continue to hope. But, most days, I’m thinking that it’s the stuff of fantasy.

I hate to admit I’ve given up hope for someone I love. I’m pretty sure it’s a weakness on my part.