Okay - this is what I think I've figured out.
I woke up to the sniffing sounds of a dog. Problem is that my dog doesn't come in the house. It wasn't my dog. The bed was not mine. My head felt like humans were stomping in it and I think I must have had my mouth open for a really long time because it was totally dry.
I had an odd crust of salt around my face too. And a vague memory of being made to dance on top of a table.
I think I was kidnapped by aliens and "experimented" on. That's the only thing that fits all the evidence. You'd think they'd be kind enough to return me to my actual bed, eh? Not the fifth margarita, but aliens. I'm sure of it.