Gestures

I recently entered into a discussion about romance and romantic gestures. My counterpoint dismissed the notion that romance can be found in small, everyday gestures. At the same time, he felt that big, over the top gestures like sky writing or expensive gifts set the bar too high. I'm not quite sure, at this point, what would qualify as a decent romantic gesture.

I totally buy the romance of the little, everyday gesture. The extra moment to put a little extra in the morning kiss good bye. The picking up of a frozen treat on the way home. Letting your beloved sleep late without interruption on their one day off.

I also believe that the moment in a relationship when you KNOW in your gut that you are truly loved doesn't come with the big ring, or the scoreboard proposal . . . but often in a quiet, unplanned moment.

Many years ago, the Phenom and I took in a momma cat and her two kittens a neighbor had abandoned. Eventually, another neighbor took one of the kittens and we decided to keep the other. And, the momma cat, of course, had another batch of kittens. The Phenom said we could not keep the momma and her five new babies. This was reasonable. We had four cats and four rabbits at the time, and we were living in an apartment that did not permit pets. A friend said she was looking for barn cats - and that she would take the momma and her kittens.

So, when the kittens were a couple weeks old, I put their box in the back of my car, and the momma in a pet taxi in the front of my car to drive them over to my friend's home. When the momma realized her babies weren't in the taxi with her, she completely freaked out. She tried to chew and claw her way out of the pet taxi -- and cried piteously.

I tried to calm her - but her reaction triggered something in me, and I started to cry with her. I got to my friend's house, calmed myself, took the cats inside, reunited mother with babies, and left. (as soon as the momma saw her babies, she settled in and was quite contented.) I bawled all the way home. When I got home, I was still crying.

The Phenom naturally assumed I was crying over the kittens. The Phenom implored me to stop crying so we could go retrieve them. I had to suck it up, stop crying, and explain that I was crying because seeing the momma so violently frantic over being caged away from her babies reminded me of my own early years and what I'd not yet grieved for in my own life.

The Phenom was totally dumbstruck by this revelation. The Phenom held me until I stopped crying. When I looked up, I could see a look of utter helplessness on my beloved's face. The Phenom knew there was nothing that could be done to "fix" this or right the wrongs. But, there was still the need and desire to make me healed. After struggling for the right words for a moment, the Phenom blurted out "want to go shopping?"

I had to laugh. I could see that the Phenom truly loved me by the struggle to find any little thing that might make me feel better for all the pain I'd had. Just the fact I was held and heard was enough.

So, as Valentine's Day approaches, turn away from the big, over the top, too soon forgotten gestures, and find something that will be meaningful for you and your beloved.