mea culpa

I've said it before, I've been in a pretty wretched mood for a while now. Mostly stuff beyond my immediate control.

Yesterday, I kinda flung poo at a person who was totally undeserving. I like to think I'm a more civilized monkey than that. Clearly, I need an attitude check. Especially since, apparently, I have this Santa character breathing down my neck.

I thought, in the way of atoning for my wretchedness, I'd confess a few more lies.

a) no one actually bit my finger off. It was a cheap ploy for attention and/or sympathy. In reality, I'm just bending my finger down.

b) I thought this one would be obvious, but I didn't actually give birth to the cats (a physical impossibility). I just wanted to justify my taking the couch away from them.

c) I followed the recipe, exactly.

d) I never actually apprenticed for a world renown potter. I just like playing with dirt and mud.

e) I respect you.

f) I was never honored at the Kennedy Center. I've never even been to the Kennedy Center.

g) No, you can't tell it's a rug.

h) Yes, I'm wearing underpants.


There. That's all I can remember for now. I wonder if this naughty or nice deal is a "tip the scales" sort of thing rather than an absolute definition?