Caught On Radar

For the past 24 odd hours, the Phenom has been taunting me with the song "Santa Claus is coming to town." Apparently, there is this human who gives gifts and is used fairly universally as a threat to behave oneself.

For many many years, I've tried to live a low key sort of life. An "of the grid" sort of existence seemed to make the most sense to a monkey trying to blend in with humans. My understanding is that through some sort of communication, the Phenom has ascertained that I have been spotted by this Santa character. I believe that the Phenom sees this as an opportunity to impress upon me the need to "behave" in a more socially acceptable fashion.

But, I say, let's look at this Santa person. Clearly, Santa is a person with some serious issues. Anyone so desperate for external validation that they would present gifts to every person on the planet must have some pretty big insecurities and co-dependency issues. Then, there are some control issues - what else would explain the demand for conformist behaviors in return for a token gift? Let's not forget the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder exhibited by the "list." And, yes, I believe someone must say it - he is something of a compulsive eater. Millions of plates of cookies in one night? Let's just say, I wouldn't want to be outside when he purged.

However, the slavish devotion to Santa does give me insight to the human psyche. Earlier, in this blog, I pondered the bizarre infatuation some folks have with criminally minded. I see this is programmed into people from a very young age -- Santa commits the crime of Breaking and Entering repeatedly, to every house, on an annual basis, and basically, ya'll invite him back.

I'm thinking tough love is what is called for. Someone needs to give this Santa person a loving but firm intervention and opportunity to better himself.