I'm minding my own business, reading some of my favorite blogs and looking for something worthy of blog comment and someone I don't know pops up with an IM conversation. Now, I recently added a IM program to my computer so that I can chit-chat with a new friend. My new friend has never shown up on the IM and I'm starting to think it was wasted effort.
This unknown person has a "handle" which consists of a third of all the symbols on a keyboard used multiple times, a heart, a rose, and lips. I'm not kidding. And, the greeting is "who is this?" I tell them that I'm an angry, poo-throwing monkey. They ask "male or female?" Only, they are doing that twisted style of english that's like reading instructions translated from japanese to german to english.
Being really a mean monkey, I started answering in Yoda-speak. He/she/it totally bought it. I challenged the notion of gender in a faceless communication but they pressed on. Eventually, this person came up with the gem "I was looking for hole"
I'll pause while you clean up the vomit. la la la la la too doo tee dum la la la la
Okay now? good. I snapped back with the best line I've ever spontaneously come up with, ever. "Between your nipples and your crotch, you'll find the only hole you'll ever fit."
Feel free to use it whenever the situation requires it.
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