Tomorrow, I have the rather sad task of attending a funeral. Generally, I avoid human funerals. My experience is that they are an artificial "tribute" to someone, and then they are quickly forgotten. I sometimes suspect that humans hope that once they leave the funeral, change out of their dark clothes, the "feeling bummed" part of death will be over.
In reality, mourning takes a long time. The whole of a life can not be summed up in one hour and a few nibbles back at the house. I generally prefer to reflect back upon the person - try to remember the better times and search out any sorts of lessons to be learned.
Tomorrow's funeral is for Helen. Helen was married for over 50 years. She reared two children. She was active in her communities. She remained true to her values, even when she lived in a community that didn't share all those values.
I met Helen early in my days of living away from the Old People. I was probably initially drawn to her because she was a bit older and reminded me of the Old Lady. Helen may or may not have ever figured out my monkeyness -- if she did, she never outted me. But, I can say that she always made me feel accepted and was a friend. I could always count on a good converstation with her.
However, I am left feeling a tad ashamed that I didn't take the time to spend more time with her. Recently, The Chick and I talked about life and death. The Chick told me that one of the lessons she learned from working as a volunteer with humans dying with AIDS is that life isn't short -- it's long -- very long. And, because it's long, we don't really have an excuse for not reaching out to people before they die. Maybe that's the lesson for me to take from these feelings I'm having today.
Her death won't change how I live on a daily basis - but, it isn't going unnoticed either. Thanks Helen, for being nice to me.
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