Personal Gain from Voodoo

This is me in a voodoo shop in the big easy. I'm the monkey in front of the rather odd looking blue prostitute.




You all have read my waxing poetic about New Orleans. I know that it's the ideal rather than the reality of New Orleans that I love. Kinda like folks who love Las Vegas but have only visited the tourist spots. Cities that thrive on the tourist trade do a particularly good job at creating the illusion of a magical place and hiding the more unattractive bits. For example, there are huge crime and corruption issues in New Orleans.

Anyway, not everything about New Orleans is entirely an illusion. Much of what they capitalize on so well is based on something real. Take Voodoo.

My understanding is that voodoo, over the years, has become a melding of African, island, and catholic ideas and ritual. It is a form of interacting with one's environment. A method of feeling in control of a world out of our control.

That being said, I wanted to tell you about my brush with voodoo and how it worked for me.

Years ago, I worked for a very different sort of company. One of the people "in charge" was a very scary sort of human. She had what would today be politely referred to as "power and control issues." She had the ability to get worked up and furious over the slightest of issues that people generally gave into her based on the "he who cares most" principle. (Example, at a staff meeting, she once viciously attacked the dangers of eating mayo and extolled the virtues of mustard with such heated emotion that The Super Bongo observed everyone in the room step back in confusion, and then all use mustard just to keep her from turning on them with similar passion. The Super Bongo was impressed with how easily she pushed through her agenda having successfully gained control of the room by caring about which condiment people used.)

So, after years of cringing in fear and seeking out a solution that would adjust her attitude while not invoking her wrath, I happened upon Voodoo. I purchased a Voodoo doll in New Orleans. I listened carefully to the general instructions. Upon my return to my work place, we set about our task.

First, we named the voodoo doll for our target. For the purposes of ease, I'll use the name Annie - this is as much to protect me and my coworkers from anyone who might think they know who I'm referring to as much as from the voodoo spirits.

Second, we always treated "Annie" with the utmost respect. We kept her warm, safe, and dry in a place of honor in the office.

Third, every day for two weeks leading up to a shareholders meeting, we would take "Annie" down from her shelf and say "Annie, go away." This was very important. With voodoo, you need to realize that whatever you put out there can come back to get you. You have to make sure it's something you can withstand.

At the end of the two weeks, the shareholders meeting happened. All the staff and members were there. It was moving along according to the set agenda when all of the sudden, "Annie" handed the chairman a letter of resignation and left the building. She never said anything. She never explained. She never returned to the building.

I have seen and heard report of her since that day. I know that no ill came to her as a result of our voodoo. However, it seems that other ways that she'd tricked and deceived people managed to come back upon her also. The balance of justice was served.

I keep an unnamed voodoo doll in my office now, just for emergencies.