love, baby, love

Lately, I've been thinking about the ideal and myths of unconditional love.

One situation I know of is a woman I've known for many years. I have always assumed that she had liberal ideals and politics. I have seen her embrace people of races and ethnicities different from hers. I have observed her have friends of all ages, social classes, educational levels, and lifestyle choices. When one of her children recently announced their intention to follow a lifestyle choice that is what many humans think of as "different" -- this woman seemed to fall to pieces and reject her child, and her child's choices. I have been taken completely by surprise by this reaction.

I think what has me so befuddled is the twin beast of seeing someone behave in a way that is counter to what I would have expected from past observations -- but also that she would behave this way towards her own child. I am reminded of a scene in the book The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (I know, not really a monkey book, but having seen the movie, I wanted to read the book to see what was left out) - where the character Vivi insists to her friends "of course my mama loves me." She can't conceive of the idea that she isn't loved, whereas her friends all doubt that her mother does love her.

When asking other humans about this, what I hear over and over again is "yes, but it's different when it's your own child." And I want to cop a Vivi voice and say "but of course a mama loves her own child."

Another situation I know of is a young couple who are a lovely family - but cannot have children of their own. They have recently adopted a child who is of a different race. As far as I know, they simply said that they wanted any child that needed them -- rather than specify a specific gender or race. I see this couple literally take in an infant from strangers -- and love it with an intensity that any birth parent would have. Part of me wonders if, because they had to work harder to have a child in their family, if they will be less likely to reject any choices their child will make in the future?

Have we so closely associated "love" with warm fuzzies, that when we don't feel them we think we don't love? Do we think that love means never getting angry? Can humans disagree with a behavior and still love? Are there deal breakers to love? I know you can love someone and not like them. I know that you can be hurt by and angry with someone you love. But, in the long run, shouldn't our behavior come from a basic level of love and thus attempt at understanding.

Can humans really love unconditionally? Or is it a myth and ideal which few ever achieve?