The Old Woman would call it "cutting off your nose to spite your face."
On the heels of my recent "fade away" from the SMLF, I've decided that I'm going to, in the most juvenile way possible, "test" the humans I surround myself with these days. Basically, I'm going to stop being so freakin' eager to perpetuate the friendship. I'm polite. I inquire after their families and do the chitchat thing. But, they need to invite me to actual interactions, like lunch. I'm feeling the need to have someone reach out to me for once, rather than act like the little brother begging to be included.
I know, the only loser in this game is me. Although, I'm hoping in the long run I might actually be pleased to see that I am appreciated for my own monkeyness rather than simply one of the group you invite because you can't very well invite one person from an office an not the others . . . especially if you're eating in that office and food that monkey prepared.
So, I'm eating lunch alone a lot these days. I did have a lunch invite from a friend this week. Not one of the SMLF, but someone I enjoy conversing with on a regular. So, it's not all navel gazing and pity parties. Mostly, but not all.
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Note: This week, one of the SMLF members who moved away a few years ago was in town, and she made the special effort to send me a note inviting me to join them for lunch. I accepted, and noted that I appreciated her effort. The "queen bee" of the SMLF did the 7th grade girl thing of acknowledging everyone at the table by name, except me. So, I know who the source of the problem is now. And, frankly, over the years she's been such a nutjob, losing her as a friend is no great loss. I do wish the others had the backbone, like the one who invited me this week, to stand up to her.
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