For several years now, I've participated in a lunch group we call SMLF. It has been said that I was one of the original founders. I prefer to think that the group, more or less, developed organically. At its peak, it was a loud, hilarious, fun group that got the members through many a frustration. We supported each other. We pulled together for the common good. We were perceived as having power. Hee hee.
But, members started taking different jobs and being less available for lunch. But, we still managed to throw together a rocking baby shower for a member, recently. But, I'd noticed something of a drifting.
Since the start of the year, I had really noticed that we hardly ever got together any more. Even the mainstay members were unavailable.
Then weird things came up . . . like a lunch invite that was revoked 10 minutes later. (The invite was initiated by one member, and then ten minutes later she claimed she wasn't in town and couldn't have lunch. Very weird.)
Today, I was having lunch across town with an associate. It's a restaurant the SMLF never goes to because it's so far from most of our offices, the travel time would severely cut into our lunch hours. But, then I looked up to find that the SMLF were having lunch. I had not been included. And I assume the choice of restaurant was to minimize the chance of me seeing them.
And, suddenly the weirdness of the past several months made total sense. This is what they do when someone is no longer welcome . . . they just quietly stop including them. FUCK.
So, tonight I removed myself from the spider monkey lunch forum list. There is just a tiny bit of dignity in removing myself . . . after weeks of hints . . . than to go on thinking I'm part of the crowd.
I would like to know what transgression merited this treatment. Was it the gifts I brought back from my travels? The many treats I've made? The birthday and holiday lunches and baby showers I've organized (and paid for) ? I think the Old Woman was right . . . I try too hard. No one likes the kid who wants it too much. Only, I thought I was just being generous to my friends. Silly monkey.