Filters

One of our Spider Monkey Lunch Forum members told us that she wishes we hadn't "ruined" some people for her. But, she also says she's glad we told her the stories about them we did. (We told her about one of her co-workers who made off with a donation from her church to a local service group, and we told her about a department head in her company who has multiple children with multiple women.)

She says our information helps her be more realistic in her trust and dealings with these people, but she also hates that every time she has to work with one of them, she can't forget what we told her.

I can relate. For years, I listened to a friend's stories about the negative character traits, the most awful things they'd done to their families and friends, and tall tales of immoral, unkind, or mean behavior about pretty much everyone she knew. I'm pretty sure they heard similar stories about me too. (Although, I can't imagine what terrible tales she could tell about me . . . I'm delightful, damn it.)

But, life being what it is, I've realized, way too slowly, that perhaps I should have been taking in her stories with a more skeptical ear. I find that there is a whole circle of people I never really had the chance to get to know on even ground because I'd already heard about the very worst in their lives. If I were going to be a good and loyal friend, I wasn't to ever forget that even if they were nice to my face, they were capable of cheating on their husbands, lying to their bosses, engaging in deviant sexual practices, or achieving astounding levels of stupidity.

These days, I find myself "re-meeting" some of these people. This time, without the filters. It's kinda nice to get a second chance at learning who they want me to see, and let go of some of the shame I feel at allowing myself to be hoodwinked so easily.