Scary childhood

So, growing up in a cage in a behavior sciences lab, I didn't really get a sense of the human childhood. Maybe this is why I love children's books . . . the monster at the end of the book has to be the best book ever written.

The Old Woman expresses, from time to time, regret that today's children get watered down, "disney-fied" versions of fairy tales. She loved the violent and cautionary tales of her own childhood. She also will tell of joining with her peers to stage mock funerals in the local graveyard . . . and no slumber party was complete without telling stories guaranteed to keep everyone from sleeping.

So, I was delighted when our house guest started telling us of the horrible threats her parents made when she was growing up . . . some story about people known as "child roasters" who could be called upon to wrangle and prepare an unruly child for roasting. One year, they even went so far as to show her the large, disposable roasting pan most folks purchase for that over sized turkey . . . and told her it was a child roasting pan. She said that one year, she threw away the family phone book so that her parents would be unable to call them. Her grandparents were in on the scheme because they told her that if the child roasters showed up, she could call them and they would consider coming to rescue her if she promised to be very very good.

She says they also told her that monsters who eat little children can better sniff out the naughty ones . . . and that they prefer the naughty children because they are juicier.

Now, that's parenting.