Why they shouldn't let us out of the zoo

It started out innocent enough . . . me and the Chick out for a swank meal and gossip. But, then we got the really really good looking waiter. The REALLY good looking waiter. And, the good looking waiter was really friendly. He clearly understood that being nice to the slightly funny looking one and the good looking chick would pay off.

We ate a lot. We had to keep ordering stuff so he'd keep coming back to the table. Then, the fateful decision was made that I would drive home . . . and the chick could order another cocktail.

I'm just a little ashamed of our behavior . . . but let's say that we not only learned that he prefers boxers to briefs . . . but we also gave him a scripted line or two we wanted him to repeat. See, he had the most delicious southern accent . . . think Matt McConaughey who isn't coming in from catching waves or smoking the "peace pipe." Add in a couple well placed dimples. And, did I mention he was very good looking.

When we'd finally exhausted the possibilities of what we could order, we invited this lovely man to join us for a drink after he closed out his shift. We saw him leave the restaurant, and figured he'd blown us off. As we headed out . . . we found him changing his clothes in the parking lot . . . spiffing up for his "date" with us.

I suspect that at some point, he started to realize that we weren't exactly dating material . . . being that I'm a monkey and the Chick is a very happily married chick. This is where we parted ways . . . but not without leaving a little gift on his car . . . nothing bad . . . I promise. I follow the campsite rule.

But, it was a really good night. Now, I need to get a horse . . . because the good looking one is working his way towards a career as a horse dentist. Yes! A horse dentist. This might cure me from my anti-dentite ways.