Really Clever Revenge

I have a friend who works in my business but in another office. Let's call her "Magnolia" -- since, that's what she calls herself. Magnolia likes to think of herself as "evil" when in fact she gives all outward appearances of being the picture of serene, southern, femininity.

Magnolia has a big sales pitch today. One of those accounts that will double her office's income. One of those sales that is so big, merely meeting during business hours doesn't reflect the seriousness of the importance of the sale. No, she who is the picture of proper southern ladyship must, gasp, meet over drinks tonight.

Magnolia instant messenged me late last night full of nervousness over today's sales pitch. She was worried about what she was going to say . . . that she not embarrass herself by ordering some over the top girly drink . . . or that she get too tipsy on the one drink she will be required to order. And, she didn't know what she was going to wear to convey her professionalism but also her ability to get the job done. I think "atwitter" is the appropriate word to describe her state.

Following in the line of thinking that if you are nervous addressing an audience, you should picture them in their undies . . . I told her that I knew for a fact that one of the people she would be pitching to doesn't wear undies at all. Apparently, this knowledge was not helpful. Magnolia now fears that when she meets this particular person, she will be consumed with this tidbit of knowledge and either dissolve into giggles or spend the whole evening trying to catch a glimpse of underwear line (or not).

This morning, there is a hearse parked in front of my office. Then, when I went to the Post Office, I found a hearse parked next to my car. Now that's clever revenge . . . arrange for funeral parlor vehicles to hound me all day. If it weren't so disturbing, I'd be laughing. Of course, now ESK is going to have to open our mail . . . outside the office . . . at least 500 yards away.