So, CookieBitch just wrote a great post about her torrid dating past . . . and the losers who stepped up to the plate and struck out. One of the stories is so horrifying and shocking that I've repeated it 18 times today.
But, ESK tells me that my true talent is in "one upping" people's stories. Here it goes.
As you might imagine, monkeys aren't exactly any one's "dream date" and so before pulling together a much more human look, I often found myself "accepting substandard" company in the name of dating.
My first real human romantic relationship was with a hopeless nerd. Nerd was inexperienced, but somewhat skittish. Then I found out why . . . a little cross dressing habit that had brought shame upon him and his family . . . in that it was very often the neighbor's clothing he hoarded.
Then, I had a second romantic relationship with a promising ivy leaguer. Preppy clothes, too much money, budding drug habit . . . the usual. I was even more stupidly naive than I am now . . . and valued having an "open mind" above my own self respect. Which is how I explain being alone in his apartment one night . . . cleaning (which y'all know isn't something that comes naturally to me) while he was out with a human girl. While cleaning, I stumbled upon a huge collection of rather lacy undies. Yes, ANOTHER cross dresser. At least this one claimed to have come by the undies honestly . . . whatever that meant. I didn't ask. Sadly, it took me a few more months before the Old Woman's voice came back to me and reminded me that I can embrace the cross dressers and sexually confused, but I don't have to sleep with them to prove it.
So, I moved on to a real ADULT type romantic relationship . . . read someone NOT IN SCHOOL. Real dates . . . . deep discussions . . . . respect . . . . shared interests. And then I was dumped for the monastery. Yeah. My romantic past is two cross dressers and a monk.
Besides the fact of being hitched to a monkey, the Phenom is the most normal Human I know. Is it any wonder I clung on for dear life?
3 comments:
Geez... I finally get around to blogs again after getting snowed under with a new job (and new computer w/o all my bookmarks, etc.), and I find a post about your ancient love life?
Funky.
For the record, I've never been into cross dressing. :-)
New Job? New Computer?
So, should my next post be about my library ghost?
ahem.
The following poem comes to mind, as I was certainly young and definitely foolish on numerous occasions. Oh, to have had the perspective then that I have now. Ah, well...
If you want to chat about the new job, you'll have to send me email.
Down by the salley gardens my love and I did meet;
She passed the salley gardens with little snow-white feet.
She bid me take love easy, as the leaves grow on the tree;
But I, being young and foolish, with her would not agree.
In a field by the river my love and I did stand,
And on my leaning shoulder she laid her snow-white hand.
She bid me take life easy, as the grass grows on the weirs;
But I was young and foolish, and now am full of tears.
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