The Old Woman

Tonight, I thought I'd share a couple of my favorite stories about the old woman. You may recall that my transition from caged animal to near human was aided considerably by a kindly older couple. The Old Woman still is one of my chief influences in my "human" life.

When the Old Woman was about five, she decided she was hell bound - and pretty much life has been much easier as a result. She tells that she'd swiped a cookie from the pantry. She was the youngest child in a large family - and significantly younger than any of her sisters. Her mother knew she'd swiped the cookie, and really just wanted the Old Woman to tell the truth. When the Old Woman refused, she was sent outside to "think." One of the Old Woman's brothers happened by, and upon hearing the story said "if you tell mother a lie, you'll go to hell." The Old Woman says she distinctly remembers balling her fists at her side and saying to her self "fine, I'll just go to hell."

A few years later, when the Old Woman was in the third grade, the temperance ladies came to her school. They told of the evils of drink and asked all the students to sign a pledge that they would never, ever, ever, never, ever take a drink. The Old Woman was the ONLY child to refuse the pledge. Her logic was "I'm eight. I don't know what I'll do when I'm grown." Sadly, her logic and stubbornness got her sent home early.

I like to think these two stories are what you really need to know to understand the Old Woman - and thus understand me -- since I try to pattern myself after her.