Calling Gordon Ramsay

If only, like a superhero, we could call upon him from afar, and he would swoop down to right the wrongs.

Maybe he has some illuminated fork in the sky we could alight?

Tonight, THE CHICK and I tried to have a nice dinner together. We went to a place that is very well known locally - isn't a big chain -- and is unlike most local places. And, her meal sucked big eggs.

First, the staff were in crazy costume. We were served by a boy in a pirate outfit. Second, radical changes to the menu. Some good, old items - several brand new -- VERY TINY PRINT. I think they were going for a cool, uncluttered look. It called for lots of squinting. Third, we asked our pirate what he recommended from the new items, and he fudged around before admitting that they had not actually allowed the staff a tasting so he didn't know. Fourth, the Chick's dirty martini sucked so bad she tried to fix it by squeezing the olives into it - then by adding ice -- and finally just sending it back. She asked for iced tea in replacement - and never got it. Fifth, her "meatloaf" was really just an over cooked hamburger patty with mushrooms on it and was inedible. Sixth, the "bed of brown rice" was really just brown colored rice that was in actuality that 90 seconds in the microwave crap you can by at the grocery store. Seventh, there was no "soy, ginger, and sesame" sauce on my chicken.

The server disappeared immediately after putting our plates down and didn't return until we were finished picking through our meals. He admitted that he had many tables and that they were spread out around the restaurant.

Even though both the drink and meal were taken from the bill, no manager appeared table side to offer soothing words of concern for our future visits.

I got through the meal by imagining what Gordon would do to the kitchen staff and management. We tipped the server well because we know it wasn't his fault he works for total morons.