Monday, April 09, 2007

A new definition of stupid

Tonight, I called a friend to offer soothing sounds of sympathy after she tried to sever a toe. Apparently, while trying to paint the interior of her home, her toe was grabbed by the safety strips on her ladder and nearly ripped the toe right off her foot. I have advised her to sue the ladder company because they did not specifically warn against using their ladder without shoes. If she takes my advice, she could retire before she's 30. And, that is the American Dream, isn't it? Find that really big law suit and retire young?

Anyway, that's not what this post is about. She said that she was rather sheepish when explaining to the Emergency Room Doctor how she'd injured herself (of course, being a female, there is always the fear that the doctor will assume some muscle bound, testosterone enhanced boyfriend did it because she got in the way of his gambling habit). She said that the doctor told her that he'd seen many many dumb accident pass through the ER doors in his years. He said that by far the stupidest was the man whose senses were so heightened by his imbibing of large quantities of alcoholic beverages that he didn't need clothing to take his four wheeler out for a spin. Unfortunately, his senses did not convince him to clasp his legs together quickly as he rolled the vehicle over on himself - and the result was that he'd lost half his reproductive abilities.

This will be come my new definition of stupid. Now, when faced with someone who is not admitting to intelligence, I will inquire as to the state of his testicles. And, somehow, I suspect that nothing I do will ever seem quite as stupid as before - so long as my testicles remain intact.

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