Harshing the Buzz

I've just really gotten comfy sleeping and this horrible noise jolts me awake. Unlike my usual "able to be annoying at any hour" self, this time The Phenom had to flip on the light and mutter several unrepeatables while saying "it's your beeper."

Yes, The Super Bongo isn't just a clever name. It's actually my profession. I am a modern-day super hero and when the commissioner is in trouble or needs my counsel, he activates the Bongo Beeper.

Unlike those two dimensional heros, the reality is somewhat less glamorous. So, while I'm on hold with the commissioner's office (as they frantically find the scrap of paper that caused the Beeper System to be activated in the first place) I'm going to the potty and hoping they actually put me on hold rather than are clamping their hands over their mouths in shock and laughter. Eventually, the urgent matter is relayed to me and I'm OFF! Avenger of Beasts and Humans alike! I throw on my Super Bongo duds and hop into the Super Bongo hover-craft.

This morning's emergency involves a person who says they have been "smoking crack" and have been "up" for 6 days with little food/water and no sleep. Ironically, all the crack smoker wants to do is sleep. Authority types are trying to force the crack smoker to part with vital secrets, but are getting nowhere. I notice that the crack smoker is wearing a bright red rubber band on their wrist. Immediately, my Super Bongo Memory Banks recall that athletes, addicts, and dieters will use the rubber band on the wrist to reinforce discipline. So, I snap the rubber band. Crack Smoker is awake - and tells me I'm "harshing the buzz."

I look around -- my Super Bongo Eyes don't see bees anywhere around. My Super Bongo hearing doesn't hear a buzz. Must be a side effect of the "crack" or the "smoke."

I find that a combination of snapping the rubber band (which I will admit was getting more fun with each snap), cup of ice, and the promise of food bought the crack smoker's cooperation. The commissioner got the vital secrets he needed, and the crack smoker got food and some sleep.

Unfortunately, The Super Bongo couldn't recall the day's calendar on the mental computer, and so I had to get up more or less at the regular time (after only a couple hours of sleep) and jump back into the Super Bongo Hover Craft to get into the office. Nothing of significance on the calendar. I could have stayed in bed.

So, I'm working, I've not had my Sobe, and Uncle Rico says that I'm particularly funny today. But, then again, Uncle Rico thought I'd been smoking okra. I didn't have the heart to explain that okra isn't the cash crop most folks smoke.